INDEX

SHAKE, RATTLE AND ROLL (08-24-10)
In confrontational situations, maintain your dignity. Never allow anyone to compromise your values and change who you are.

HEALING MY BROKEN NECK (08-10-10)
Forgiveness is the spiritual equivalent of a physical recovery, allowing the emotional wounds to heal.

ALL AND NOTHING PRINCIPLE (07-27-10)
Giving all to everything you do and seeking nothing in return can bring joy and peace - and eliminate disappointment, anger, bitterness and resentment.

MY "PGS" MOMENT (07-13-10)
Personal Growth Spurt: Enrich lives by uncovering strengths and talents in yourself and others around you.

GARDEN OF WEEDIN' (06-30-10)
Pay careful attention to whose dictates you adhere to. Do not allow others to determine for you what has value.

THE HEART OF THE TIGER (06-15-10)
Choose to take the moral high road and respond to unfortunate situations with dignity and integrity.

FAREWELL, BELOVED TOOL SHED (06-01-10)
Periodically in life, we find ourselves being "transplanted". Let go without anguish or resistance.

MY CELEBRITY MOM (05-18-10)
Let 'everyday' people know that they are recognized and appreciated for who they are and what they do.

I DIDN'T ORDER THAT (05-04-10)
Accept life's challenges and embrace opportunities to grow into a person of excellenge.

A MISSED OPPORTUNITY (04-20-10)
Rise above someone else's unfavorable behavior; take the opportunity to be a person of integrity.

THE ARROGANCE OF MICHAEL (04-06-10)
Lessons.. from a Facebook conversation.

ALREADY PERFECT (03-23-10)
"Only when you see yourself through my eyes will you understand the wonder of who you truly are." - God

BUILT TOUGH? (03-09-10)
Are 'tough' people strong, determined, and courageous - or mean-spirited and lacking compassion and sensitivity?

LIVING BY DEFAULT (02-23-10)
Rather than speaking negatively (default), focus on positive statements and generate good feelings.

THE 'HAPPINESS HYPE' OR 'LIFE ON PURPOSE'? (02-11-10)
Instead of pursuing fleeting happiness, take time to discover your true purpose for living.

ACCUSATIONS AND ASSUMPTIONS (01-26-10)
Don't jump to conclusions and accuse. Instead, ask questions and seek the truth.

LIAR, LIAR: THE EXPERIMENT (01-12-10)
Refrain from labeling others as liars. Their belief, observation, recollection or perception of an event or person may just be different than yours.

NOTHING ELSE MATTERS (12-29-09)
Being at peace is a conscious decision and it helps to create a 'Peace Plan'.

NEWS ALERT! THE TRUTH CAN CAUSE HEARING LOSS (12-16-09)
Examine negative events and comments about yourself. Discovering the truth can be an opportunity for self-growth.

I'LL TEACH THEM A LESSON THEY'LL NEVER FORGET (12-01-09)
We all have the opportunity to be teachers. Speak with confidence, respect, and concern to deliver an effective message.

I CAN'T HEAR YOU (11-17-09)
Listen objectively. Consider new ideas. Appreciate other perspectives. Apply ideas that have potential to enrich your life.

A HEARTWARMING & HEAVENLY SURPRISE (11-03-09)
When you have good intentions in your heart and you put forth effort, God makes miracles happen.

THE TWO BIGGEST LITTLE WORDS (10-20-09)
An apology can be the first step towards an emotional and spiritual healing.

CONFESSIONS OF A (FORMER) PEOPLE PLEASER (10-06-09)
Trying to please others is exhausting, confusing and fruitless. Instead, strive to please God.

MISLABELED SOUP CAN (09-22-09)
Rather than labeling someone negatively, understand that their poor behavior may be caused by personal struggles.

BETTER THAN COFFEE (09-08-09)
On awakening, set a positive tone for the day. This can energize you and make life brighter.

LET GO (of) MY EGO (08-25-09)
Acknowledge people for the good they do - regardless of any personal issues.

THE ONLY RACE THAT MATTERS (08-11-09)
Why are human beings segmented into 'compartments' based on skin color or country of origin?

THE TOXIC "ANY" WORDS (07-14-09)
Avoid the use of the toxic “ANY” words: Always, Never and You (except in a compliment.)

"NEVER EVER ASK THIS QUESTION" (06-30-09)
Don't unintentionally offend by asking, "What's YOUR problem?".

"PING-PONG: IT'S ALL IN MY HEAD" (06-17-09)
While money and profit are important, goodwill and generosity far outweigh both.

"WHY ME?" and TOMATOES (06-03-09)
When facing injustice and unfairness in life, shift focus from self-pity to self-discovery.

HUGGY BEAR, A Great Dane Puppy (05-19-09)
An explanation of how a painful experience can negatively impact the behavior of pets and humans.

BOUNDARIES (excerpt from Chapter 9, The Secret Side of Anger) (05-05-09)
My new book, The Secret Side of Anger was JUST released. And I want to give you an excerpt from Chapter 9 ABSOLUTELY FREE.

SWEET (?) REVENGE (04-21-09)
Instead of revenge, resolve your internal anger. Inflicting additional pain on another only perpetuates suffering.

ONE INSIGNIFICANT MOMENT (04-07-09)
A seemingly insignificant moment may have far greater relevance in our lives than we realize...

PROD: A STRATEGY FOR RESOLVING CONFLICTS (03-24-09)
Remaining calm and focused and using assertiveness techniques (PROD) will help resolve conflicts.

M&M's: MOTIVE & METHOD (03-10-09)
Two critical factors that determine the outcome of any situation.

THE KEY TO WORLD PEACE (02-24-09)
"Wars are fought in an effort to bring about peace. Maybe fighting isn't the answer."

A NEW WAY TO LOVE (02-10-09)
"I believe that love is very definitely a feeling, but...also a decision, a behavior, a conscious choice."

HERE'S TO YOUR HEALTH (01-27-09)
Your feelings and beliefs can ultimately determine the course of your health.

LESSON FROM A RED FUR COAT (01-13-09)
Are you meeting with resistance in your relationships? Finding out what works best for the other will make things easier for both of you.

BIGGER IS BETTER (12-30-08)
Being the one to reach out and resolve disputes is a sign of great courage and inner strength.

A SILLY HOLIDAY SONG (12-19-08)
Sing this joyful little ditty next time you feel tense.

GOOGLY EYES AND SNOWFLAKES (12-16-08)
I went to the desert to bring water to those who were thirsty. Yet, I was the one who returned with an ocean.

CONTROL FREAKS (12-02-08)
We all like to be in control of our lives. If someone else is in charge, fear of thr unknown can create anxiety and worry...

A MOST UNUSUAL BLESSING (11-18-08)
Hardship, unfairness, betrayal and loss ccan has strengthen and enriched your life.

MAINTAINING PERSONAL EXCELLENCE (11-04-08)
Don’t react to someone’s bad behavior with more of the same. Maintain your personal integrity.

THE LESSON OF THE LODGEPOLE PINE (10-21-08)
In life, the process of suffering and loss offers great opportunities for new growth.

OUR LIVING LEGACY (10-07-08)
What will you leave behind once your time on earth is done? What are the memories others will have of you?

PEOPLE ARE NOT PAPER PLATES (09-23-08)
Don’t be so eager to trash relationships. Instead, try to repair and maintain them.

WHY, WHAT OR HOW? (09-09-08)
Don’t dwell in ‘why’. Focus on how and what you can do to improve your life.

DENIAL - Not a river in Egypy... (08-26-08)
Admitting your inner flaws is an indication of great inner strength.

TELL IT LIKE IT IS
Polite honesty speaks of truth while taking into consideration how the other party might feel or react.

WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE?
View human diversity as a blessing. Experience joy and appreciation at discovering the unique gifts we can offer one another.

REFRAIN FROM BLAME
Don‘t hold others accountable for what isn’t working in your life. Take ownership for everything you do, have, and are.

WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?
Unmet expectations are a leading cause of anger. Learn to accept that which you cannot change.

SPIRITUAL HEALING
Forgiveness is a conscious decision to be understanding of another’s imperfections. It is a path to inner peace.

A REAL “JEWEL”
Anything you do, can be done in kindness. Even the smallest acts can have a profound impact.

SEEKERS OF TRUTH
Truth seekers investigate all of the facts and don't allow personal feelings and issues to interfere with what is fair and right.

NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU ANGRY
Avoid giving others power over your emotional well-being and happiness. Anger, as with all other emotions, is your choice.

THE LOOKING GLASS
Negative comments can provide an opportunity to reach a greater level of self-awareness and personal growth.

I’M RIGHT, YOU’RE WRONG
Try to see the validity in the other party’s position and agree to respect their opinion.

ONE LITTLE WORD
By changing that simple word, (to – for) one changes their role in the situation from victim to student.

RESOLVE DISPUTES QUICKLY
Identify problem. Stick to facts Avoid judgments and opinions. Focus on solution.

HOW TO PREVENT PEOPLE FROM PUSHING YOUR BUTTONS
Try to understand motives for other person’s behavior and respond with maintain my composure and dignity.

Newsletter: August 24, 2010
SHAKE, RATTLE AND ROLL
by Janet Pfeiffer

With all the anger in the news lately, I've been interviewed more than 50 times on radio and TV stations across the country. For the most part, the hosts have been engaging and gracious. A recent interview was quite the contrary.

This live radio show welcomed call-ins, the first beginning with "Hi, Toots. Are you hot?" Not sure who he was referring to, I hesitated and then inquired, "Are you speaking to me?" "Yeah," he replied. I asked to be referred to by my name and stated that it was hot here in NJ. "Do you have a question about anger?" He repeated, "Hey, Toots, are you hot?" I reiterated my initial response. No reply.

The second questioned my political views. I asked if he had a question concerning anger. "I don't want that Mosque built near ground zero! How do you feel about it?" I redirected my response. "If you feel strongly about it, do what you can to prevent it from happening but do so within the guidelines of the law. Channel your anger into something constructive." Though inappropriate, neither caller could shake my confidence.

I wondered where this interview was taking me. "What's your bra size?" the next caller blurted out. "I'm not going to answer that question", I politely replied. "Do you have a question about anger?" Like a carbonated beverage, he repeated himself. Not missing a beat, so did I.

The final caller: "Nobody could be that nice all the time! You sound like a classic witch with a capital 'B'!" (Really??) Even this guy's arrogance couldn't rattle my nerves. "I'm not sure why you would say that but I actually am this happy. Do you have an anger question?" Silence. In the back round, I overheard someone say, "She's the real deal."

With only a few moments left, one host asked if I was polite just for the show. "No. I'm always polite." I thanked them for being great hosts and said I enjoyed being on their show. "You're just saying that." I assured them of my sincerity.

How often do we allow another's bad behavior to change who we are? Would anybody have blamed me had I replied with sarcasm or a cutting remark? After all, the callers were rude and disrespectful and by some standards that gives me license to be the same. But that's not who I am. I dislike that kind of behavior and refuse to mimic it. I consider myself a woman of integrity, dignity, kindness, and respect.

Be authentic. Never allow anyone to compromise your values and change who you are.

Try as they might, none were able to shake me up or rattle my nerves. I know how to roll with the punches.

    Copyright, 2010 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com

Newsletter: August 10, 2010
HEALING MY BROKEN NECK
by Janet Pfeiffer

Twenty some years ago I took a bad fall while hiking. My face was greeted by a large rock while my right arm twisted beneath the weight of my falling body. Within moments, two hikers came to my rescue, gently restoring me to a somewhat embarrassing yet upright position. Though broken and bleeding, I completed the strenuous 9 mile hike and arrived at the emergency room around 7:00 that evening. By then, my arm was throbbing in pain and I had lost the use of my hand.

A vertical fracture of the radial neck bone was the diagnosis. "Worst kind," the doctor said. Somewhat puzzled, I timidly corrected him. "I broke my arm, not my neck". "That is your arm", he explained, "more specifically your elbow." (Oops!)

As I recall this story many years later, I remember in great detail the events leading up to the accident: I was stepping over a fallen tree when my foot caught a protruding branch, pummeling me forward like a javelin tossed by an Olympic shot putter. And of course, the excruciating pain. But 6 weeks later when my body fully recovered there was no discomfort of any kind.

Clients frequently come to me in extreme emotional pain, the result of being treated badly by someone they know and trusted. Getting beyond their anger and hurt presents a challenge for many. When I suggest forgiving their offender, they often balk. "I can't forgive them. Why should I? They don't deserve it!" Arrogantly, they are determined to remain imprisoned in the injustice.

Some are genuinely afraid of forgiving. They believe that by doing so, it diminishes the seriousness of the offense or puts them at risk for the offender repeating the behavior. Neither is true. Forgiveness is a gift one gives to one's self. It is a conscious choice to allow the wound to heal and live free of anger, pain, bitterness and resentment. In essence it is the spiritual and emotional equivalent of a physical recovery (like that of my "neck" bone).

Forgiveness allows for human imperfections without holding the offender hostage to their faults; hostage, not accountable. One must face the consequences of their actions and make amends whenever possible. But it is cruel to insist they suffer the guilt and shame of wearing the proverbial scarlet letter for all eternity. Remember, we have all hurt someone at some time in our lives.

As I am able to recall the vivid details of that accident, one can remember what transpired that precipitated their pain. But just as my elbow completely mended and I now live pain free, forgiveness allows the emotional wounds to heal so that one may live in the fullness of peace and joy.

Aug. 8 is International Forgiveness Day. Forgive someone who has offended you. Release the anger. Heal your pain. Live in abandoned joy.

    Copyright, 2010 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com

Newsletter: July 27, 2010
ALL AND NOTHING PRINCIPLE
by Janet Pfeiffer

We often hear that relationships must be 50/50 in order to work: each party giving half in order to achieve a whole. In marriage, couples need to split household chores evenly and put similar efforts in to make the union healthy. In business, each team member must carry their weight - working equal numbers of hours, balancing the workload with evenly assigned tasks. Friendships thrive on a similar give-and-take principle.

In an effort to create equality, some may even resort to bribery: "If you wash the dishes for me, I'll drop off your dry cleaning tomorrow." This seems like a fair exchange: each task has approximately the same value points. However, problems arise when we put conditions on our efforts and generosity. We are not operating from a place of selfless giving but rather one of fairness. But fairness does not exist in the human experience.

We've all done nice things for others only to feel hurt when they did not reciprocate. Unmet expectations and demands convert to hurt and anger.

Imagine if parents adopted this attitude towards their children: "I'll come to your school play if you clean my room." "I'd be happy to give you your medicine as long as you do the same for me when I'm not feeling well." Ludicrous, isn't it? We do what we do for our children out of pure love, expecting nothing in return. (Those homemade Mother's Day cards are nice perks.)

The simplest way to remedy this situation is to replace the practice of 50/50 with the All and Nothing Principle. When I am willing to give "All" (100%) to everything I do in each of my relationships (personal, professional and social) and seek Nothing in return, I eliminate disappointment, anger, bitterness and resentment. I give generously from the heart.

Imagine using this approach with every person we meet and in everything we do. "I give All, just because; I seek Nothing other than the satisfaction of doing what needs to be done." Living in "All" frees me from the chains of demands and disappointments that lead to heartache. I live in the complete freedom that comes from pure unadulterated generosity and rightfulness. Living in "All" lends itself to abundant joy.

When I apply the All and Nothing Principle, I experience effortless joy and feel at peace. For me, that far more important than fairness.

    Copyright, 2010 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com

Newsletter: July 13, 2010
MY "PGS" MOMENT
by Janet Pfeiffer

In high school my vocal teacher believed it was his job to find the buried talent in his students and help them develop it. Under his guidance, in my senior year I sang the soprano lead in the parody version of Rigoletto. For the first (and subsequently only) time in my life, I hit high C (the note, silly, not the juice drink).

In business, I adopted this philosophy as my primary goal when working with clients: to help them uncover their strengths and talents and bring them forth.The application of these attributes would then enrich their lives and (hopefully) the lives of those around them. If they left our session feeling better about themselves, I had done my job.

Then one day I experienced an ah-ha moment (or as I like to refer to it - a "PGS", Personal Growth Spurt)

Seeing how this approach benefited my clients, I decided to apply the same principle to my marriage. I shifted my focus from what I wanted this marriage to be to how I could bring out the best in my husband. He deserved to feel wonderful about himself and to be the amazing person God created him to be.

So I sought out his finest qualities and helped him recognize them as well. By supporting his abilities, encouraging his talents and complimenting him for the extraordinary person he is, I planted the seeds for positive feelings to grow. I could see the results of my efforts reflected in his attitude about himself. I had done my job.

Then another PGS: why, if I do this for my clients and husband, would I not do it for all humanity? This became my new role in all my relationships, no matter how important or insignificant. I wanted every person who spent time with me to leave feeling better about who they are. This was no longer a job. This had become a privilege.

The role of a great coach is to bring out the peak talent in his players. Skillful managers help coworkers identify their assets and apply them for greater success on the job. Loving family members praise one another for the beauty each possesses, supporting and encouraging each other's goodness.

Each one of us is rare and unique, blessed with exceptional abilities and aptitudes. Each of us is a gift to this world. I want to be one who helps others discover and celebrate that beauty within. I invite you to come join me.

    Copyright, 2010 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com

Newsletter: June 30, 2010
GARDEN OF WEEDIN'
by Janet Pfeiffer

I don't have much time to care for my 2 acre property. I can barely find 3 hours each week just to mow the lawn (actually it's all weeds). Recently, something interesting happened.

As I investigated my yard from one wooded parameter to the other, I began noticing the natural beauty hidden between the blades of bluegrass and under the azaleas. Tiny peach colored flowers hugged the ground near the bottom of my driveway while tall stems of yellow blossoms grew in clusters ten times faster than the lawn. (This year, I spared them as I cut the surrounding grass.)

Giant clover and yellow buttercups thrived under the umbrella of my grape arbors while tiny white "bells" dangled from delicate stems around my deck. Tall tangerine flowers guarded intruders from entering the tool shed as they leaned against the door for support. Mowing the lawn is a mindless activity that affords me the opportunity to ponder some of life's most urgent questions. I began to question why they call them "weeds".

Upon closer examination, I found them to be no less attractive than the expensive flowers adorning my deck. Yet someone labeled them worthless. Who arrogantly took it upon themselves to arbitrarily assign value to what nature so freely and generously created for our enjoyment? (Seriously, does anyone know who that is?)

That arrogance also transcends far beyond what grows in our yards. Look at our society: some nameless face took it upon them self to allocate arbitrary values to what surrounds us. "They" decided youth has greater value than old age; thin is prettier than heavy; the wealthy deserve more respect than the poor; white collar holds higher regard than blue; pedigrees are worth more than mutts; bigger is better; higher price tags determine greater value; sunny days are more beautiful than rainy. Seriously?? Have we become mindless followers of some unseen force that has illogically distorted the worth of that which has inherent value?

Like many, I preferred apple red male cardinals over their less flamboyant female counterparts until I began photographing the two that have graced the trees outside my office window. Using a high powered camera, I have been fortunate to view both up close and found myself intrigued by the delicate and perfectly blended colors of the female. Her subtle beauty has delighted my visual senses and I now hold her in equally high esteem as her companion.

Pay careful attention to whose dictates you adhere to. Do not allow others to determine for you what has value. Be an "IT" - an Independent Thinker.

I decided to rename my colorful array of foliage "free flora", 2 acres of priceless gifts from Mother Nature. So, what's in your garden?

    Copyright, 2010 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com

Newsletter: June 15, 2010
THE HEART OF THE TIGER
by Janet Pfeiffer

June 3, 2010: sports history was made. Umpire Jim Joyce made a bad call that forfeited Detroit Tiger's, Armando Galarraga's opportunity to pitch another perfect game. Yet unlike many professional athletes, these men did not engage in a verbal or physical altercation. Instead, Joyce owned up to the unfortunate error and immediately apologized to Galarraga. One only needed to hear the recording of this event to feel the anguish in Joyce's voice.

Professional athletes are notorious for flying off the handle at the smallest infraction yet this incident transpired with zero drama. In an age of rage, Joyce and Galarraga chose a higher path.

When an offensive situation or mistake occurs, people often become defensive. The one committing the error refuses to acknowledge the wrongdoing and holds their position as right. Arrogance and ego interfere with integrity and fairness. The one wronged fights to be acknowledged and seeks to restore equality and balance. Each party cares more about their position, feelings and reputation than the other. Arrogance leads to animosity, animosity escalates to anger and anger turns to rage.

In this case, however, Joyce immediately recognized his mistake and the enormous impact it would have on Galarraga's career. His concern for this young pitcher was evident in his public acknowledgement of a bad call. The gut wrenching agony in his voice was sincere as he offered a heartfelt apology. With no regard to the impact this could have on his own career, he put Galarraga's well -being above his own.

Armando, deeply moved by Joyce's courage and remorse, showed concern that Joyce was so upset. Responding with understanding and forgiveness, he replied "Mistakes happen."

What makes this situation different from others is that both men chose to consider the other person's feelings above their own. Each removed their ego and reached out with compassion.

What could have been another childish display of inappropriate and aggressive behavior never manifested because these gentlemen chose to take the moral high road and respond to an unfortunate situation with dignity and integrity.

Armando Galarraga may not go down in history as having pitched the 21st perfect game in baseball but both of these men will hold the title of being true sports legends. Their compassion, courage and maturity raised the bar and set a new standard for excellence in sportsmanship.

It was necessary that this event happen exactly the way it did for there was a higher good and greater purpose for the entire world. These two men are perfect examples of what a "gentle-man" really is. We all need to be reminded that "mankind" is supposed to be just that - kind.

    Copyright, 2010 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com

Newsletter: June 1, 2010
FAREWELL, BELOVED TOOL SHED
by Janet Pfeiffer

For years I watched her sit quietly, isolated in her backyard. Her grace and beauty fell gentle upon my eyes. Yet she never ventured out of her comfort zone in the 12 years I'd known her. It seemed as though she didn't believe she could stand on her own in the world. She was small for her age and seemed content to remain that way.But I knew she had great potential and took matters into my own hands.

I took a shovel and began digging. Careful not to damage her roots, I gently pulled her from the earth. She had been protected from the elements by the tool shed she leaned against for too many years. A white pine is meant to grow to enormous heights yet she was only inches taller than when I first discovered her. Remaining where she was, she would never reach her true magnificence.

I moved her to the other side of my two acres to an open area unobstructed by buildings or other vegetation. The soil, rich in nutrients, coupled with the right amount of sunlight and moisture was ideal for her development. She tripled in size over the next two years.

When I married my high school sweetheart, I expected ours to be a lifelong union. Yet from the get go I had a recurring premonition that we would not be together forever. Hard as I tried to shake the feeling, it continued to haunt me. After thirteen years of marriage he abruptly left. Devastated, I tried desperately to cling to what we had. I refused to let go. I wanted my "tool shed" back. But it was not meant to be.

There I was: alone in that wide open field. No husband to lean on; no one to hide behind. In thirty-plus years, there had been little evidence of personal growth on my part. Now I faced the ultimate test.

I didn't transition easily into my new life. I went kicking and screaming, pining to remain stagnant and safe in my cocoon. Yet gradually it became clear that this was exactly what I needed to reach my full potential. My marriage had restricted me in some ways. God wanted more from me and to remain in an environment that was stifling my growth was self-defeating.

Periodically in life, we find ourselves being "transplanted". We may choose to let go of those we have become accustomed to or circumstances may do it for us. Whatever the case, allow things to unfold naturally. Let go without anguish or resistance. Your path is being prepared for you. You were not created to live in mediocrity. You were created for greatness. Trust that what is happening is necessary for your personal growth.

Sometimes we must separate from our tool sheds and step out into that open field for it is only when all restrictions are removed are we free to reach great heights.

    Copyright, 2010 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com

Newsletter: May 18, 2010
MY CELEBRITY MOM
by Janet Pfeiffer

My mom's a celebrity. Don't tell her I said that, she'd deny it. She's very humble. Last week, she had a garden named after her. That may not make her a famous in your eyes but to those who know and love her it does.

She's 85 years old and continues working as a church secretary, a position she's held for the past 27 years. Not only does she excel at her job but she's loved and admired by coworkers, bosses and all who know her. Not one to ever seek recognition she was surprised and somewhat embarrassed when the Rae Pfeiffer Meditation Garden was dedicated to her. Complete with park benches, a stone path, beautiful flowers, statues and a bronze plaque bearing her name, she was truly honored. She shared photos with her family and friends of the ceremony that deeply touched her heart.

When we think of celebrities, we typically envision Hollywood stars or sports figures. We rarely think of those sitting next to us at work, family members we've known since childhood, small business owners or Girl Scout leaders in our communities. We seldom assign celebrity status to those who haven't appeared on the 11 o'clock news or cover of Rolling Stone Magazine. Yet there are deserving people all around us.

Most of us live life feeling unappreciated, used, and some times even invisible. It's one of the most frequent complaints I hear from my clients. "I don't know why I bother. Nobody appreciates me."

This often leads to feelings of apathy, depression, anger, resentment, low self-esteem. Yet the situation is so easily remedied. Simple recognition for who a person is or for what they have done brings validation and approval. It's what we're all seeking yet we are so stingy in offering it.

Several years ago, I worked with a family struggling with this exact issue. I suggested they created an "Appreciation Box": an ordinary shoe box covered with wrapping paper. The box was place on the kitchen table. Each week, every family member wrote a note to every other member extolling their virtues or showing appreciation for each. The results were immediate: most never knew how other members felt about them. Being made aware dramatically changed how they felt. The whole dynamics of the family improved and everyone felt a deeper connection to one another.

When my son Chris was little his siblings and I threw him a party just because we loved him. We made paper signs and blew up balloons and wrote him poems. It didn't take much to let him know how deeply we cared but it meant the world to him.

Who in your life is worthy of celebrity status? Like my mom, so many around us deserve recognition yet never receive it. I invite you to reach out to those celebrities in your life, no matter how obscure, and bestow upon them the accolades they are so deserving of. The impact on their life will be dramatic.

    Copyright, 2010 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com

Newsletter: May 4, 2010
I DIDN'T ORDER THAT
by Janet Pfeiffer

I admire women who return to school in midlife. Mothers, wives and business women who volunteer and care for their elderly parents, their days are already filled to capacity, their lives overflowing with responsibilities. Yet they seek out the best colleges with the most stringent requirements and toughest courses knowing that that is what it takes to succeed. They willingly forego the luxuries of life knowing the end result will surely benefit them.

Young athletes desiring to become Olympic gold medalists participate in long, grueling hours of training - sore muscles, torn ligaments, sprains and fractures all a part of the process. Their lives revolve around one goal and one goal only: to be the best athlete in their field.

Small business owners work 80 hour work weeks for years yielding little financial reward. They make tremendous sacrifices anticipating the day when their business will turn over a substantial profit.

In each of these examples, people are willing to endure tremendous sacrifice, suffering, challenges, and deprivation in order to reap the ultimate rewards.

Those wanting to be the best are willing to go above and beyond, to give more than others, to accept any challenge. Determined to reach their goal they rarely complain. Though tired and stressed, they continually challenge themselves to do more in order to have more.

In life, the ultimate reward is not in having more (money, degrees, possessions) but rather in becoming more. In order to fulfill your potential and be the absolute best you can be you must be willing to face and accept life's greatest challenges. And providing those challenges are some of life's toughest coaches: the spouse who betrayed you; the boss who unfairly fired you; the jealous friend who ruined your reputation; the addiction; the illness; the financial loss.

Few people I know graciously accept these people or circumstances into their lives. When faced with unfairness, loss or injustice, they complain "This isn't fair! I didn't ask for this. I don't deserve this!"

Many will seek to hold someone accountable and blame for their circumstances rather than embrace the very opportunity that can bring them to personal greatness. Tragically, they fail to understand that within every hardship lies a great lesson.

This person or situation has appeared to benefit them and once the challenge is met and overcome, they emerge victorious.

It matters not whether we consciously chose our circumstances or have life hand them to us unexpectedly. The manner in which we learn life's lessons matters little. It matters more that we recognize each opportunity for what it is and learn anyway. Embrace all of your teachers, no matter how difficult they are. In the end, you will reap life's richest rewards and become a person of excellence.

    Copyright, 2010 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com

Newsletter: April 20, 2010
A MISSED OPPORTUNITY
by Janet Pfeiffer

If someone acted badly towards you or made an offensive comment, how would you respond? I sometimes see people exacerbate a situation by engaging in even more outrageous behavior. This recently occurred at the battered women's shelter where I teach anger management classes.

Someone made a remark that was misinterpreted by another resident as insulting. "Gerry" immediately lashed back with a threatening retort. "Misha" jumped up and screamed back, "I'm not afraid of you, b___! You better back off cause I'll mess you up bad!" Gerry retreated.

"I showed her," Misha gloated. "I don't take crap from anyone. Now she knows not to mess with me!" Others cheered her on, as though she had won a much coveted trophy.

I shook my head in disdain. "That's unfortunate because you missed a very important opportunity." All eyes turned to me suspiciously.

"What are you talking about? Now she knows I'm not someone to mess with."

"Do you admire the way she handled herself, her aggression and disrespect?" No one did.

"Then why would you want to imitate something you don't admire? Why would you want to become what you don't like in someone else?"

"But she had to learn!" Misha insisted. "I had to put her in her place."

"It is not your role to put someone in their place. You missed a great opportunity to teach her, through your actions, a mature and intelligent way of behaving. You didn't allow her the chance to learn to become a better person. You had the opportunity to teach by example and you completely blew it."

Though not entirely sold on my beliefs, some began having second thoughts. I continued.

"Imagine if you had remained composed and polite, firm and fair, confident and respectful. Do you think your message of how you wanted to be treated would have been conveyed?" Most concluded it probably would.

"Do you think she would have seen that one can speak with dignity and gain another's respect and cooperation? Instead, all she learned was more of what she already knew - how to be hostile and rude. That's sad. You lost your chance to educate her."

Every day situations arise that allow us to be great teachers: someone takes what is ours, talks about us behind our back, yells or discredits us. Each of these events provides an environment in which we can rise about the other's unfavorable behavior and set the example of what it means to be a person of integrity.

Take advantage of every instance you get to be a TBA:Teacher By Action. One-by-one, the world will become a nicer place to live.

    Copyright, 2010 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com

Newsletter: April 6, 2010
THE ARROGANCE OF MICHAEL
by Janet Pfeiffer

When confronted with an offensive comment, how would you respond? Would you blurt out something equally as offensive, choose a professional or politically correct response or remain silent?

I recently joined the world of Facebook. In an effort to build a following on my fan page, I send out the following invitation:

Seems we have a few friends in common. I'd like to invite you to become a fan of Janet Pfeiffer's Heal Our World. My focus is helping others create inner peace. I'd love to get your feedback. Blessings.

"We cannot be a world at peace until we are first a people of peace."

Every response has been favorable, that is, until the following:

(M S March 16 at 7:43pm Report)
Oh, wow, another junior grade Tony Robbins. Sorry, Sweetie, we can't all be world-famous cult leaders. Thanks anyway.

My first instinct was to ignore it. Arrogant comments aren't worth my time and energy. But I had second thoughts and decided to address it...in a professional way, of course. After all, once it's out there the entire world has access to my comment and I certainly don't want it reflecting poorly on me.

(Janet Pfeiffer March 16 at 8:47pm)
Sorry, you totally missed it. My life is not about being a Tony Robbins wannabe or cult leader. It's about doing what God has asked me to do. I live for him. Blessings.

As I penned my words, I could hear the tone of my voice: controlled, polite, assertive. I was pleased with myself. However, I noticed my words did not match my heart. I felt disrespected. I was annoyed. Being professional was not good enough. I needed to change my heart. MS wrote back:

(M S March 16 at 10:09pm Report)
You stumbled upon the wrong guy. I work in psychiatric, and my ward is full of people who have been spoken to by God, ordered to scream on the streets, ordered to blow up their own houses -- I even had a few Jesus Christs, one of whom had to kill his own father to lower fuel prices. If you think your lack of attention as a child isn't contributing to your glowing faith leader (I know the cult leader title is insulting to you people) role and your delusion isn't simply more benign than theirs, then you have troubles in your future. That's not my psychic abilities speaking, either. And don't you people refer to your god with a capitalized pronoun? Professional photo, uninformed delusions. Hey -- wait -- aren't people like me supposed to teach you the limits of your patience and ability, meant to make you grow? You seem so insulted!

(No chance to respond.)

(M S March 16 at 10:12pm Report)
I forgot to add a quote ... "Your inflated sense of relevance is adorable."

The blatant assumptions, inaccuracies and self-righteousness drew a picture of someone who was clearly troubled. To continue our correspondence would be fruitless. My heart felt sympathetic as I replied for the final time.

(Janet Pfeiffer March 17 at 7:12am)
I will keep you in my prayers, Michael.

Apparently, he had other ideas.

(M S March 17 at 12:04pm Report)
There you go! See, the right amount of distaste, combined with something hopeful. That's the spirit. It's like when the Romans used to tell someone, "May you live forever." Long life is good, but living forever to see all other things pass would be a curse. I hope this gig makes you all the money you're looking for with it. Good show. Thanks.

Again, he continued:

(M S March 17 at 12:14pm Report)
But you also have to remember prophesy and the distorted nature of Satan. Is this Satan whispering to you, pretending to be God? Prophesies tell that demons will appear as angels of light, false prophets and all that bit ...? Did the same voice that told Jim Bakker to start a multi-million-dollar ministry tell him to have sex with Jessica Hawn? Did the same guiding light that led Jimmy Swaggart to his multi-million dollar empire tell him to also hire hookers? Is this the same voice? Who really is guiding you along this path? God doesn't want you to question or doubt for fear of losing power, but the devil doesn't want you to question or doubt for fear of losing his power. So who is it? Please feel free to lay awake and agonize over this. Thank you for the entertainment.

This dialog solidified my assessment of Michael. I now felt deep compassion for someone so troubled. The anger was gone. My final remarks were a perfect reflection of word echoing heart.

(Janet Pfeiffer March 17 at 12:26pm)
Life does go on forever, Michael. It's only the body that dies. We transition back to pure spirit at the end of our physical existence.

If you knew me, you would know that my life never has been and never will be about money. God blesses me with everything I need. My life is only about serving him and bringing his message of love and healing to as many as I can.

I sleep well, Michael. I am at peace with myself, my life, my God and those around me. I have no power. All power belongs to God. I can do nothing without him and everything with him. When you know God you know inner peace. The devil only offers suffering and chaos. I wish you God's peace.

The same peace I now felt. I wondered why Michael had come into my fb life? I remembered the adage, "When the student is ready the teacher will appear." Apparently, I needed to learn: perhaps, that communication is not only about being professional and politically correct. Communication is more importantly about being sincere.

Michael proved to be a great teacher. I learned to align my words and heart in perfect harmony and speak with genuine sincerity. Thank you, Michael. I am a better person because of you. I do wish you God's lasting peace.

    Copyright, 2010 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com

Newsletter: March 23, 2010
ALREADY PERFECT
by Janet Pfeiffer

Recently I did a book signing for my latest book, The Secret Side of Anger. At some point during the Q & A, the topic of self-esteem came up. A 60 something gentleman asked me, "How do you learn to love yourself?"

"How could you not?" I queried back.

"Well, I have so many faults. I made a lot of mistakes and I've done some bad things."

I purveyed the audience. "Which one of you has not done what this gentleman has?" No hand rose, including mine.

"Mistakes are a necessary part of life. They allow us the opportunity to try new things without fully knowing whether or not it will be the correct or best way. They provide us opportunities to learn and grow. Even good people sometimes do bad things. We may not be thinking clearly or fully understand the consequences of our actions. Limited knowledge, our own personal issues and learned behavior all contribute to our flawed and imperfect choices."

He didn't look convinced. I continued.

"Have you ever known a baby born into this world 'bad'? Of course not. All babies are perfect at the very moment they are born. Then life happens. Every child experiences rejection, favoritism, disappointment, hurt, sadness and more. Children learn how to respond to such situations. But behavior is not who that child is.

We all come from God and are created in his image and likeness. God only creates beauty and perfection. Therefore are we not all perfect - intrinsically perfect? I'm not speaking about the way we act. I'm speaking about who we are. We are children of God."

I am not what I do. I am not what I own. I am not what I wear. I am not who others say I am. I am a child of God and only when I am willing to see God within will I truly be able to love myself. God doesn't make junk. God only creates perfection. "To not love yourself is failure to see the beauty within and is an insult to the one who created you," I concluded.

"Only when you see yourself through my eyes will you understand the wonder of who you truly are." - God

    Copyright, 2010 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com

Newsletter: Mar. March 9, 2010
BUILT TOUGH?
by Janet Pfeiffer

I often meet people who refer to themselves as tough. My perception, at times, is quite the opposite: I see them as mean-spirited. What exactly does it mean to be tough?

Ford Motor Company manufactures several size trucks. Their tag line is "Ford trucks, built tough". In the auto industry, tough refers to the ability to withstand more than the average. These vehicles have the strength to carry extremely heavy loads. They are built to withstand the elements, gripping the road even in inclement weather. They don't allow rocky, jagged terrain to slow them down nor do they break if they hit a pothole. And they outlast their competitors. What they (the trucks) don't do is run other cars off the road, drive recklessly or disregard the safety of other drivers.

In life, tough people have similar characteristics: they face difficult situations without falling apart. They persevere where others quit. They take on huge challenges without faltering. They carry heavier loads than the average person. And they out perform all others. They do not behave irresponsibly towards one another.

There are those who confuse being mean-spirited with being tough. They are proud to curse someone out; they brag about their eagerness to engage in physical altercations; they feel completely justified in blurting out whatever's on their mind regardless of how the other party may feel or react. They see nothing offensive about their behavior. They claim to have no fear.

But that's not tough. Tough is characterized by strength; meanness by malice. One who is tough has deep courage and conviction, an inner determination, an unwavering perseverance in the face of adversity. One who is mean-spirited lacks compassion and sensitivity and is driven by ego and insecurity (fear). There's a vast difference.

There are several judges on television who call themselves tough. Two in particular come to mind. One judges contestants in a talent competition, the other in a courtroom. They often criticize and belittle the individual standing before them. Statements such as "you're a worthless drain on society" or "you ought to be embarrassed by that performance" are hurtful, insensitive and degrading. They have little, if any, regard for the feelings of the one they are addressing. "If people can't handle the truth, too bad!" is their attitude.

When one fails to take into consideration another's feelings or needs to prove their "toughness" by acting callously towards another, they are actually being mean-spirited.

Do you run on malice? Or are you truly "Built Tough"?

    Copyright, 2010 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com

Newsletter: Feb. 23, 2010
LIVING BY DEFAULT
by Janet Pfeiffer

Can you think of people in your life who consistently find fault with everything and everyone? Are you, by any chance, one of them? We all encounter people who criticize anything and anyone they can. Nothing is ever right. No one is ever good enough. They will find fault at every possible opportunity.

"That sweater is pretty but it's not a good color for you."

"Dinner was really good but there was a little too much salt in the casserole."

"What a gorgeous day! Too bad it's not 5 degrees warmer."

I looked up "default" in the dictionary. Out of nine possible definitions, eight contained the words "fail", "exclude" and "forfeit". (One definition referred to the computer term of "using an alternative". That confused the heck out of me when I first got into technology!) Even the word "fault" is defined with words such as "error", "weakness", "failing", "fracture" and "blame". (And you all know how I feel about blame!*) None of these conjures up a favorable image.

"Default" people are rarely happy. Rather, they are angry, dissatisfied, sad and frustrated. Their constant criticisms are actually a form of passive/aggressive anger: a positive statement negated by a criticism. They are rarely in touch with the root of their unhappiness and often project their anger onto an unrelated target. How much easier it is to find fault with others than face the real source of one's discontent. If, in fact, they were to uncover the truth, they would have to take ownership and make a choice: either fix what is not working or accept it and be at peace. That, however, would then eliminate the excuse to be miserable.

Their lives are plagued with self sabotage. They prohibit themselves from being happy and experiencing true joy in life. Anger and dissatisfaction define their comfort zone which they refuse to abandon - fear of the unknown (living in bliss).

A simple remedy for reversing default living would be to limit their statements to the first four words of each sentence: "That sweater is pretty." "Dinner was really good." "What a gorgeous day!" State the positive and stop there.

Imagine how easy it could be to change one's outlook on life? Positive statements generate positive feelings. (De) fault is replaced with appreciation. Simple. Powerful. Profound. Try it. You'll see.

    Copyright, 2010 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com

Newsletter: Feb. 11, 2010
THE 'HAPPINESS HYPE' OR 'LIFE ON PURPOSE'?
by Janet Pfeiffer

Amazon.com lists more than 15,000 books on happiness. Everyone, it seems, is seeking the magic pill, the secret potion, the cure for their sadness. With all those books, one would think there would thousands of people basking in the glow of ecstatic joy. Yet this doesn't seem to be the case.

We encounter people all around us who are miserable. They desperately want to be happy but don't have a clue how. I am a happy person. It's a decision I make every day.

But I've learned that happiness is not the be-all, end-all and perhaps it would behoove us to stop the pursuit. I have uncovered something much more important: Purpose; our very reason for living; knowing that what we do is making a difference in the lives of others.

One only needs to recall a time when their altruistic actions had a positive impact in someone's life. Recalling the feelings of knowing you made a difference brings a sense of satisfaction and gratification. What can be more fulfilling than that? Can happiness even compare to contentment?

We all know people who are retired and miserable. Anxious to have nothing to do but relax and enjoy life, they awake one day only to discover that life has no meaning. There is nothing fulfilling about they way they spend their time. In fact, days can become quite mundane at times. Vacations, hobbies, and spending time with the grandchildren are enjoyable but shortly after the event concludes, the feelings wane. Lethargy looms on the horizon.

What is your life's purpose? Why were you created? What do you do that makes life better for others? How is the world impacted by your presents? (Yes, presents - your gifts, not just your presence - anyone can simply exist.) Do you awake each day enthusiastic about how you can enrich or improve our planet? It needn't be something of great magnitude. The smallest of gestures matters to someone.

When you live your life "on purpose", what you experience is a deep contentment, a satisfaction of a life well-lived. Filled with a sense of accomplishment, gratification and joy, you have uncovered the meaning to your existence. You know you matter. Find the reason for your existence. Discover what brings you the greatest joy - lasting joy - not fleeting happiness. Express your true purpose in the world.

Remember: a life without purpose is not worth living.

    Copyright, 2010 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com

Newsletter: Jan. 26, 2010
ACCUSATIONS AND ASSUMPTIONS
by Janet Pfeiffer

The thing that triggers my anger quicker than anything else is being accused of something I haven't done or for having ulterior motives. This is one of the most frequent complaints I hear from my clients at the battered women's shelter also. Does this resonate with you?

You see your neighbor's child at a party where there's underage drinking. The parents find out and the child blames you for informing them when in fact you never spoke to them about it.

"You didn't lock up the building when you left last night and one of the computers was stolen. It's your fault."

"I was not the last instructor to leave. There was another meeting at the time I left."

"You knew I didn't want you to tell anyone and you did anyway!" The truth? You weren't aware this information was confidential.

It's distressing when people treat us this way. Something goes awry and they instantly feel the need to hold someone accountable. Eager to find a scapegoat, they make an assumption based on emotion rather than fact. (We all know the definition of the word "Ass-u-me": to make an A__ out of U and Me.)

When one is wrongly accused they feel disrespected and devalued. It is offensive to be judged guilty when there was no effort to uncover the truth. A fair and reasonable individual would gather facts before forming a conclusion. But very often the accuser has no real interest in truth. They are upset and need someone to blame.

Even if the truth is revealed, the accuser may not listen. There may be an arrogant need to believe the worst about that party or to protect the one actually responsible. This can have devastating consequences. Friendships may be destroyed; families torn apart; innocent people loosing their jobs.

How often are we the ones pointing fingers? Have you ever jumped to a conclusion rather than actively sought the truth? Sadly, at times I have been the guilty party. "Have been" - because I have since become conscious of how I approach others. I have become a Seeker of Truth.

Truth Seekers query. "Do you know who left the mess in the kitchen last night?"

"Were you able to get those assignments completed on time?"

Those who seek the truth ask questions. Those who fear the truth make accusations and assumptions. Vow to be a fearless Seeker of Truth. For only in the truth can one live authentically.

    Copyright, 2010 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com

Newsletter: Jan. 12, 2010
LIAR, LIAR: THE EXPERIMENT
by Janet Pfeiffer

I hope you like experiments because here's one I'd like you to try:

You'll need three people in addition to yourself. Have person "A" stand in the middle of the room with person "B" standing directly in front of and facing them. Person "C" will stand behind "A" facing "A" as well. Ask each person to describe "A" from the shoulders up.

"B" might say, "A" has two eyes, a nose and mouth, fair colored skin with a few wrinkles, etc." "C" might state, "A" has short, straight, brown hair and not much of it."

Both parties are describing the same person yet each observation is profoundly unique. Logic dictates there should be some common factors. Therefore someone is lying, right?

In this case the average person could see that that's ludicrous. Neither is lying. Both are giving an accurate account of what they see from their own point of view.

Different perspectives, not lies.

A former client of mine was having her kitchen remodeled. The contractor quoted a price that included some "extras". However, when she requested certain items, he added additional charges to her bill. She was furious. "He lied," she stated. "He promised me upgrades but then I had to pay for them."

"Did he specifically mention what those items would be?" I asked. "Not exactly." She told me what she had expected. I suggested she speak with him for clarification.

He was talking about fancy switch plate covers and cabinet hardware. She was expecting better flooring and appliances.

In his mind, he was generous. In hers, he was ripping her off. In mine, this was clearly a difference of opinion.

Have you ever purchased a house? The realtor lists it as "cozy." When you arrive, you realize it's so tiny your couch won't fit through the front door. Lies or perception?

Your child acts out in school and is labeled a troublemaker. You know he's a good kid just seeking attention. Contradictory descriptions: one must be truth, the other a lie.

My dad was very frugal when purchasing cars. I clearly remember the blue Malibu he purchased in 1970. No one else remembers. Lies or different recollection?

How quick are we to label others liars when, in truth, opposing comments may actually just be a matter of differences? Each person's belief, observation, recollection or perception of an event or person is valid to them and needs to be taken into consideration.

Refrain from labeling others as liars. Be respectful of all contributing statements. Share and listen with an open mind and heart. You'll gain the cooperation and respect of those you encounter and resolving issues will be a lot easier.

    Copyright, 2010 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com

Newsletter: Dec. 29, 2009
NOTHING ELSE MATTERS
by Janet Pfeiffer

I've never been one to make New Year's resolutions: too much hype and not enough results. I've found the most lasting changes I've made are the "feel right" ones. An idea originates in my mind and evolves in my heart. When the time feels right I get a sense to bring forth that idea into my life.

Having goals such as loosing weight, learning to dance, saving money or going back to school is important and pursuing them is admirable. But in choosing to make change, work first on what is most important.

Throughout my life, I've struggled with some powerful emotions: anger with those who hurt me; disappointment in those who failed to live up to my expectations; fear at what wasn't going my way; conflict with those who did not share my beliefs. I was stressed, unhappy and miserable. I needed to make a change and resolve the inner conflict. I needed to find peace.

First and foremost, I learned to surrender to that which I had no ability or right to control.

Each of us must experience life on our own terms: to be who we are and do what we need to do. It's not my role to impose my ideas, desires, beliefs, time frames or ways on others. My role is to respect all persons as they are and, as Paul McCartney says, "Let it be."

Next, I needed to allow all life, especially mine, to unfold in its own time and way. Mine is not to decide when and how things should occur. It's imperative to understand that, at that precise moment, everything is exactly as it is meant to be.*

Third: to be compassionate and non-judgmental. Peace is a decision that even in the face of unfairness, prejudice or injustice, one chooses a life-affirming response.

Dr. Wayne Dyer says "There is no way to peace. Peace is the way."

Being at peace is a conscious decision and it helps to create a Peace Plan. Each day engage in activities that foster peace within you: spend time in nature; exercise passionately; take time to pray; listen to music; heal a relationship through forgiveness; meditate; love without limits; visit a house of worship; repeat positive affirmations; hug someone (furry "someones" count, too); engage in random acts of kindness; truly appreciate one another's differences. Do whatever works for you, daily.

So, by all means, loose that weight, change careers, take a vacation, learn to skydive. But remember that what is most important is living in peace. Some believe when you have your health you have everything. I believe when you have inner peace you have it all.

Without peace, nothing else matters.

*Lesson of the Lodgepole Pine

    Copyright, 2009 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com

Newsletter: Dec. 16, 2009
NEWS ALERT! THE TRUTH CAN CAUSE HEARING LOSS
by Janet Pfeiffer

Have you ever noticed how certain things periodically appear in your life: a specific event keeps occurring; you attract a particular type of individual; friends make similar unkind comments about you?

These are not random events haphazardly occurring for no reason. They have great significance yet we often dismiss them as meaningless coincidences.

These important messengers are meant to make us pay attention: to think, to face something or to make a change. The challenge is in deciphering the message.

Many years ago, a family member made some derogatory remarks about me. I was shocked that someone would perceive me in such an unflattering manner and was emotionally crushed. I instinctively rejected their statements as pure jealousy. But once my emotions calmed down, I decided to re examine the comments more objectively. After all, denial of the truth prohibits us from living authentically.

Over the next several weeks, I did a lot of soul searching. Was this person seeing something in me that I was afraid to face? Could it be that I have been lying to myself about who I really am? As hard as I tried, I could find no validity in their observations. So I enlisted the assistance of a few close friends, requesting their unbiased opinions. None agreed with the statements made and equally concluded that they were jealousy based. I put the incident to rest.

More recently another family member made critical remarks about me.

Some of the accusations were undeniably false (even though they believe them to be true). Other statements are more opinion than factual. Again, I found myself eager to dismiss them as "their issues". However, as in the past, I carefully scrutinized the allegations in search of any hidden truths.

Am I missing something about myself that others see? Could I be presenting myself in a way that gives others the wrong impression of me? It's easy to simply brush people off as crazy, mean, petty or jealous, thereby avoiding our own issues.

When painful or uncomfortable events, statements or people repeatedly show in you life, don't dismiss them as insignificant coincidences. Address what shows up.

Be open. Listen objectively. You might learn something important about yourself.

As for me, I'm still searching. In my heart, I do not agree with the negative statements made about me. But in my head, I know I must keep searching until I uncover the truth. In the past, truths have come to me disguised as criticisms and have challenged me to grow. As hard as this may be, if I am missing something I need to discover it now so I may live an authentic life.

    Copyright, 2009 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com

Newsletter: Dec. 1, 2009
I'LL TEACH THEM A LESSON THEY'LL NEVER FORGET
by Janet Pfeiffer

The sun had long since set as I approached the traffic light on Berkshire Valley Rd. Preparing to make a left-hand turn, I slowed my car down considerably from the normal 45 mph speed limit.

As I prepared to move into the left lane, two shadowy figures darted in front of me and ran into the empty parking lot to my right. I immediately hit the brakes and narrowly avoided hitting them.

"Jeeze Louise!" I shouted to myself. "I could have killed them!"

I decided to teach them a lesson. Following them into the parking lot I pulled up along side of them.

"Do you boys realize I almost hit you?" I asked. Not waiting for a response, I explained how difficult it is for a driver to see someone dressed in dark clothing.

"I know you don't realize this but you can see my car much easier than I can see you."

I needed them to understand this situation from the driver's perspective, one they were too young to already know.

"I remember making the same mistake when I was younger. Thank God I wasn't killed. Not everyone is that lucky. I would have felt terrible had anything happened to you. And I know your mothers would be devastated."

The tone in my voice was deliberately one of concern and not reprimand. I needed them to understand the gravity of the situation and yelling or intimidating would only deafen my message.

They stayed and listened. "Be careful next time, ok guys?" They nodded in agreement. "Take care", I said as I pulled away. I think they got it.

Very often life hands us situations where we have the opportunity to "teach someone a lesson". And while our motives may be honorable, too often our attempts are laced with anger, arrogance, hostility and judgment. Consider the following suggestions:

1. Give the other party the benefit of doubt. (These boys probably didn't realize they took a dangerous risk.)
2. Establish common ground. (I related my childhood incident of poor judgment. People feel less threatened, embarrassed and self conscious when we share our own imperfections.)
3. Educated them about the seriousness of the situation. (In this case, a driver's lack of visibility.)
4. Show concern. (My tone and choice of words clearly expressed that I cared.)
5. Treat them with respect and dignity. Avoid hostile, demeaning or threatening attitudes.

HH the Dalai Lama:

"When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace."

Wayne Dyer:

"There is no way to peace. Peace is the way."

HH the Dalai Lama:

"Responsibility does not only lie with the leaders of our countries or with those who have been appointed or elected to do a particular job. It lies with each of us individually. Peace, for example, starts within each one of us. When we have inner peace, we can be at peace with those around us."

Benjamin Franklin:

"There never was a good war or a bad peace."

H. H. the Dalai Lama:

"I believe that to meet the challenges of our times, human beings will have to develop a greater sense of universal responsibility. Each of us must learn to work not just for oneself, one's own family or nation, but for the benefit of all humankind. Universal responsibility is the key to human survival. It is the best foundation for world peace."

William E. Gladstone :

"We look forward to the time when the Power of Love will replace the Love of Power. Then will our world know the blessings of peace."

St. Francis:

"Lord, make me an instrument of your peace."

Janet Pfeiffer: ('The Orchids of Gateway Lane')

"Like water in a stream consistently running over a rock - little by little the water affects the rock. In time it will either move it or reshape it... The same acts of kindness repeated over and over will eventually affect and reshape the relationship."

Indira Gandhi:

"You can't shake hands with a clenched fist."

John Lennon:

"Imagine all the people living life in peace. You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us, and the world will live as one."

Martin Luther King, Jr.:

"One day we must come to see that peace is not merely a distant goal we seek, but that it is a means by which we arrive at that goal. We must pursue peaceful ends through peaceful means."

Moshe Dayan:

"If you want to make peace, you don't talk to your friends. You talk to your enemies."

Ralph Waldo Emerson:

"The real and lasting victories are those of peace, and not of war."

Spinoza:

"Peace is not the absence of war; it is a virtue; a state of mind; a disposition for benevolence; confidence; and justice."

Thomas Jefferson:

"The care of human life and happiness, and not their destruction, is the first and only object of good government."

Thomas a Kempis:

"First keep the peace within yourself, then you can also bring peace to others."

Newsletter: February 10, 2009
A NEW WAY TO LOVE
by Janet Pfeiffer

Years ago, before I remarried, I would frequently attend a single's rap group. On one particular evening we were asked to talk about a loving experience we'd had. A fifty-something gentleman said he loved being "in love" but knew it wouldn't last so he'd go from one relationship to another. I felt sad for him. I was at least twenty years his junior and knew he was confusing love with infatuation. Real love is so much deeper and far more rewarding than infatuation.

I'd like to share with you something I wrote for my wedding twelve years ago.

A New Way to Love

Some people think that love is a feeling, an emotion, something that you fall into and sometimes fall out of; something that just happens; something that you can't control.

I believe that love is so much more than that.

I believe that love is very definitely a feeling, but not exclusively a feeling. Love is also a decision, a behavior, a conscious choice.

What first stirs feelings of love within us for another is recognizing the beauty, the goodness, the specialness that God created within that person. The beauty never changes, the specialness never diminishes. Sometimes we just lose sight of it. Sometimes we focus on a person's behavior: they may be acting angry, depressed, selfish, defensive or sarcastic. It is the behavior that we dislike. But the behavior is not the person. They are two very separate entities and we need to remember to keep them separate.

The reason why we sometimes feel that we have "fallen out of love" is because we choose to focus on the person's behavior rather than on who they are intrinsically. We loose sight of the very essence of who they are and that essence is God. And God is pure love.

To love someone is to recognize and honor God's presence within.

Loving someone means not only feeling love but also treating that person in a loving way every day. To love someone is to care enough about them to do what is best for them, even when the feeing of love is not apparent. This takes a conscious effort. This is the decision to love.

To say "I love you" is easy. To live "I love you" is not. Relationships are not about being in love. Relationships are about becoming a loving person. And to become a loving person is the greatest reward in life.

    Copyright, 2009 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com



Newsletter: January 27, 2009
HERE'S TO YOUR HEALTH!
by Janet Pfeiffer

In the late 80's I was mad at the world. Everyone and everything triggered my anger. Subsequently, I developed a serious medical condition that required surgery. For the next two months I was fine. However, I had not resolved my anger and the condition returned. Being a student of mind/body/spirit healing for more than thirty years, I knew I had caused this condition by suppressing my rage. So I took responsibility and healed myself using only the power of my mind.

Some believe one's health is determined by their genes, the environment and other factors beyond their control. "I'll probably die of heart disease since it runs in my family." "I got lung cancer from breathing polluted air." Personally, I believe that our mind dictates our health and that we don't inherit disease. What we inherit are our beliefs (thoughts - mind) about disease and our bodies respond accordingly.

We're all familiar with the term "psychosomatic illness". This does not mean the individual has an imaginary condition. It means the medical condition originated in the mind. Psyche and soma are one: mind and body are inseparable. What occurs in the mind manifests in the body.

Dr. Bernie Siegel, Love, Medicine, and Miracles, is quoted in my new book, The Secret Side of Anger, as saying, "One's life and one's health are inseparable. Genes do not make the decisions. Our internal environment does. You internalize anger and it destroys you. Self-induced healing is not an accident." Our internal environment determines our health. Self-induced healing is not an accident. Very wise man.

He goes on to say, "There are survivor personality traits and we need to act like survivors and keep rehearsing until we get it right."

People have overcome impossible medical odds or cheated death because they had a strong will and others who didn't simply because they lost that same will. Will. Determination. These are emotions and feelings that exist where? In the mind. BODY RESPONDING TO MIND.

The mind is powerful enough to create disease and also reverse it, restore and maintain optimum health. Dr. John Demartini, The Secret, says that incurable simply means the cure is within.

I've had three serious medical conditions in my life and each could be traced to unresolved emotional issues. Every time I addressed the underlying cause, I was able to heal my body. Every day now, I choose to be healthy - in mind, body and spirit.

So, whether referring to anger, worry or any negative emotion, choose your feelings and beliefs carefully because they will ultimately determine the course of your health.

These are some of my favorite authors and leading experts in the field of mind/body/spirit health:

Dr. Bernie Siegel: Love, Medicine and Miracles
Louise Hay: Heal Your Body
Jose Silva: The Silva Method
Dr. Deepak Chopra: Magical Mind, Magical Body

I highly recommend reading their books. I have and they healed my life.

    Copyright, 2009 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com

Newsletter: January 13, 2009
LESSON FROM A RED FUR COAT
by Janet Pfeiffer

Reba was nine months old when we adopted her. A beautiful red shepherd/sheltie mix, she’s extremely intelligent but equally as stubborn. Training was difficult and Reba would come only within an arm’s length when called. Trying to grab her collar caused her to run in the opposite direction. Demanding that she obey me was not working. The more I persisted, the more she resisted. Clearly she had the upper hand. Then I realized: this was not just about me doing things my way. I needed to figure out what worked for her as well.

Like most dogs, she loved to be scratched – especially her arm pits. Tempting her with a “pit” scratching, she responded favorably. Bingo! I gained her cooperation because I discovered what worked for her Now she comes immediately upon my request.

My husband responds much like Reba. My way doesn’t always work with him. “We need to talk” gets much the same reaction as “Reba, come!” His threshold for communication of a personal nature is approximately ninety seconds. Beyond that, he tunes out. So I discovered what he’s comfortable with. I simply (and I mean simply) make a brief statement or request followed by “Does that work for you?” I don’t go into detail. He listens. If he requires more information, he’ll ask. Not necessarily my preferred method but definitely the one that gets results.

Very often we approach one another on our terms only. “This is how I do it. Adjust!” This approach is ego driven and fails in many respects. “My way or the highway” doesn’t take into consideration whether or not the other party feels comfortable with, or can relate to, your approach.

Are you meeting with resistance in your relationships? Finding out what works best for the other will make things easier for both of you. Keep in mind the end result is what’s most important. What do I want to accomplish? What’s the best approach to take?

Whether you have a boss who needs to be in control, a family member who always has to be right, an elderly parent resistant to change, a friend with low self-esteem or any other challenging person in your life, find out what works for them. Without compromising your values, integrity or self-respect, meeting them on their terms will be less stressful and more productive for both of you. And remember, it’s the end result that matters most.

Bingo.

    Copyright, 2009 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com



Newsletter: December 30, 2008
BIGGER IS BETTER
by Janet Pfeiffer

“When conflict arises, it matters not who started it. It only matters who initiates the process of resolving it.” Janet Pfeiffer

We’ve all had disagreements with one another that have escalated into arguments or fights. Unkind remarks cause hurt feelings. People separate in anger and resentment and it often becomes a battle-of-wills to restore harmony between both parties. Egos are bruised, pride has been wounded and neither is willing to take the first step towards reconnecting and making things right.

“But I’m not the one who started it so why should I have to fix it?”

The real question, however, is “why shouldn’t I be the one to make the initial effort?”

Friends, couples, business partners and family members often refuse to take the first step because this may be viewed as a sign of weakness.

“They’ll think they can get away with what they did.” “I’ll be admitting I’m wrong” “They’ll win.”

To that I ask, who cares? Let people believe what they want. It doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is that someone chooses to be the bigger person and take the initiative to make things right. Restoring peace and harmony needs to be the ultimate priority.

In 2000, I founded a support group for estranged families. An older woman came to our first meeting.

“My sister and I haven’t spoken in thirty years,” she said with great sadness.

“Why?” I inquired.

“She got angry with me and we haven’t spoken since.” She missed her sister very much.

“Have you told her that?” I asked.

“No. I didn’t start this. She did. She should call me.”

“It doesn’t matter who started it. It only matters who fixes it,” I reiterated.

She contacted me a week later to say she called her sister. When the sister answered, the only thing she said was, “I miss you.” They both agreed that what happened no longer mattered. Being together again was all that was important.

Pride interferes with Progress. ~ Stubbornness keeps us Stuck.

Being the one to reach out and resolve disputes is a sign of great courage and inner strength as well as a sign of respect for the other party and the relationship. Additionally, it alleviates stress, tension, anger, hostility and resentment (things we all need less of) and fosters harmony, cooperation, unity and forgiveness (things we all need much more of).

When conflict arises, make the commitment to be the bigger person.

Practice the 4 R’s:

R each out with R espect.

R esolve the dispute.

R estore the relationship

"Let It Go"

By Janet Pfeiffer

Oh, this anger inside is frightening.
It feels like thunder and lightning.
My friends all tell me, "you know,
Let it go, let it go, let it go."
But when I'm finally in bed at night
How I want to continue this fight.
'Cause I know in my heart I'm right!
I clench my fists till my knuckles turn white!
But do I want to be right or happy?
Cause I'm feeling really crappy.
So I decide that it's up I will grow.
I'll let it go, let it go, let it go.
(One more time)
I'll let it go, let it go, let it go.
(Ba-rump-bump! Make that sound like a drum roll.)*

There now - don't you feel better? I know I do!
Share this with your family and friends. Let's all have a happy and anger-free holiday!
************

    Copyright, 2008 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com



Newsletter: December 16, 2008
GOOGLY EYES AND SNOWFLAKES
by Janet Pfeiffer

My children were grown and Christmas had lost its excitement. Gone were the days of hiding presents from inquisitive kids, leaving cookies for Santa and being awakened at 4am Christmas morning.

Christmas is a time to celebrate the birth of God’s Son. For me, birthdays mean buying gifts. But everyone had so much. Giving to those already blessed was like pouring water into a lake that was full. It didn’t make sense. So, I decided to go to “the desert”, so-to-speak, where water was needed.

My church helped me locate a family in dire need of financial assistance: four children and their mother who suffered from a chronic illness. Their house, so dilapidated that it leaned to one side, would surely be flattened by one strong gust of wind.

I convinced a reluctant mother to provide me with a Christmas list for her children. Scurrying from store to store, I filled up shopping carts with wonderful treasures. Late Christmas Eve, and feeling a bit like Jolly Old Saint Nick, I delivered carefully wrapped presents to their doorstep. As the children lay “nestled all snug in their beds” I placed a basked of culinary delights for their holiday dinner on the porch. I even had a gift for the mother.

With tears in her eyes, she hugged and thanked me for giving her children the Christmas she could not. Ah! The magic was back! Joy welled up in my heart as a smile danced across my face. But nothing prepared me for what was to come next.

As I turned to leave, she handed me a package wrapped in tissue paper.

“God bless you,” she said.

“What’s this?”

“A little something for your kindness.”

“Oh, no! You’re not supposed to give me anything. I did this for you.”

“I know”, she insisted. “Please take it. It’s really nothing.”

Nothing?? She couldn’t have been farther from the truth! For there, lying gently upon crumpled red tissue paper was an adorable stuffed elf. Hand-crafted of red and green felt, with googly eyes glued to his face, snowflakes fastened to his shirt and bells stitched to his curled-up toes, this woman who was so ill she could barely care for her children and so poor she could not feed them, had taken much care in fashioning for me a most precious gift of love. I put my arms around her.

“Thank you so much! You have no idea how much this means to me.”

She looked somewhat puzzled. “It’s nothing. I wish I could have given you more.” More?? That’s not possible! She had given me the perfect gift, for it was not one that came from Macy’s or Bloomingdale’s. It came from her heart and there is no price tag that can be put on that. Each Christmas, for more than thirty years, my “heart-felt” elf takes his honored place upon my mantle.

Funny...originally it was I who went to the desert to bring water to those who were thirsty. Yet I was the one who returned with an ocean.

Wishes for a most blessed holiday season.

    Copyright, 2008 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com



Newsletter: December 2, 2008
CONTROL FREAKS
by Janet Pfeiffer

Do you consider yourself to be a control freak? Most people I know don’t. However, most people I know are. They just don’t realize it.

We all like to be in control: of our lives, finances, partners, our kids…even the weather. As long as I’m in control and things go my way I will be fine with the outcome. But, if someone or something else is in charge, I’m unsure of how things will turn out. Feelings of uncertainty (fear of the unknown) create nervousness, anxiety and worry in me.

In my latest book, The Secret Side of Anger, I define fear as “a lack of trust.” Here’s an example: someone is spreading rumors about you. You don’t trust the gossiper nor are you certain that those hearing it will ignore it. Your fear is that some may believe what they hear. You have no control over that. This could damage your reputation and negatively impact your relationships, job, social standing and more.

“Moreover, fear is a lack of trust in oneself. We doubt our own ability to handle life’s changing circumstances when they arise. You need not fear anything. Whatever enters your life, you are already equipped to handle. Look at the challenges and hardships you have faced thus far: you didn’t get your dream job, a loved one passed away, you got yourself into debt. You’ve survived. That’s proof enough. You are capable. Believe in yourself.”

On an even deeper level, however, fear is a lack of trust in God. Believing that God provides all of our needs alleviates worry and anxiety. Bad things happen to everyone but I need not worry if I believe that God will supply me with everything necessary to survive, learn and grow from these challenges. God does not stop bad things from happening but He does provide me with strength, courage, understanding, guidance and awareness: everything I need to overcome adversity.

Some people are untrustworthy. Some situations are unsafe. You cannot control what happens externally. You can only control how you view it, handle it, use it and allow it to affect you.

Life will not necessarily go according to your plans but you will be fine just the same. Let go of your fear. Trust in yourself and in God. Be at peace.

You will find “The Eight Questions for Eliminating Fear” in The Secret Side of Anger on the Products page.
    Copyright, 2008 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com



Newsletter: November 18, 2008
A MOST UNUSUAL BLESSING
by Janet Pfeiffer

If I asked you, “What are you thankful for?” you might respond with examples such as family, good health, a nice home, and so forth. I wouldn’t expect to hear such comments as “I’m grateful for my car accident, being unemployed and having arthritis.” And yet, very often, what appears to be a hardship or problem is actually a blessing in disguise.

Imagine one day you receive two packages from UPS. The first arrives in brightly colored wrappings, tied with fancy ribbon, your name and address hand-printed in Old English calligraphy. The second, covered with plain brown paper, sits at the base of your mailbox - dented, muddied, your name smudged beyond legibility.

Which one would you consider the gift? While it might appear to be the one that is beautifully wrapped, the truth is that one cannot be sure until one opens each package to see what is inside.

So it is with life’s experiences: many wear the guise of unfairness, betrayal, pain, prejudice, illness, rejection, loneliness, and suffering. Yet only when one is willing to look beyond the experience is one able to fully grasp the value that lies within.

One of my greatest blessings presented itself as an abusive relationship. While I would not recommend this experience to anyone, for me it was a true gift. I discovered that if one doesn’t heal the wounds and issues from their past, they will resurface in adulthood in some destructive form. I learned that, after years of being timid and fearful in relationships, I could become confident and strong. I found my voice and learned to not allow anyone, under any conditions, to mistreat me.

I learned, too, that I can forgive completely while letting go of someone I deeply love without resentment or bitterness. And I learned that loving myself is far more important than needing someone to do it for me.

Don’t be misled by the wrappings. My divorce, an eating disorder, estrangements from my family, the hateful rumors about me all came wrapped in dented, muddied packaging. I was wise enough to unwrap each and discover the true gift inside. Each has made me a stronger, more confident, more loving and fearless woman. Some have even redirected the course of my life.

And, each one has strengthened and deepened my relationship with my Creator and has revealed to me things about Him that I would never have known had my life been one of ease. I would not change a single experience.

I am eternally grateful for each and every hardship, unfairness, betrayal and loss for they have enriched my life beyond measure.

This Thanksgiving, I pray that you will find the many blessings hidden in the most unusual places.

    Copyright, 2008 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com



Newsletter, November 4, 2008
MAINTAINING PERSONAL EXCELLENCE
by Janet Pfeiffer

One of my private clients has serious issues with anger, or perhaps I should say with “nastiness”. She’s pleasant most of the time but makes it known that if someone is rude to her she can dish it out even worse. “I can get really ugly when I have to,” she declares, almost as if she’s proud of herself.

How often have we reacted to someone’s bad behavior with more of the same?

Someone cuts you off on the highway and you give them the finger.

Your company fails to give you a much-deserved raise so you “conveniently” forget to mail an important package.

Your brother misses your wedding and you retaliate by not attending his baby’s christening.

Sadly, many people allow their behavior to be determined by what another says or does. And to make matters worse, they offer lame excuses to justify their actions. “I criticized you because you criticized me first.”

Doesn’t this sound reminiscent of eight-year olds? “You pushed me so I pushed you back.” For a young child, one can make allowances for their lack of maturity and good judgment. However, this is behavior that one is expected to outgrow by adulthood. Unfortunately, some do not.

Does two adults behaving badly ever improve a situation? To the best of my knowledge, it doesn’t. Therefore, it is critical for each individual to set and maintain their own personal standard of excellence and never relinquish to another’s poor behavior.



If I am honest, I maintain my honesty even in the face of lies.
If I am kind, when others are thoughtless, I set the example of kindness.
My generosity does not falter to another’s selfishness.
If I am a respectful person, then I maintain that standard even, and especially, with those who are rude.
If your external behavior is not congruent with your intrinsic values, you will create internal conflict.
And when you are in a state of turmoil you cannot be at peace.

Set your standards of excellence high.
Never lower them for anyone.
Let others aspire to be like you.
Maintain your personal integrity.
Be the example for others to follow.
NEVER ALLOW ANOTHER PERSON’S BAD BEHAVIOR CHANGE WHO YOU ARE.

My client is proud of her behavior. For me, I’d be ashamed.

    Copyright, 2008 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com



Newsletter: October 21, 2008
THE LESSON OF THE LODGEPOLE PINE
by Janet Pfeiffer

The Lodgepole Pine, an evergreen indigenous to western North America, produces cones that contain the seeds of reproduction. These cones must be subjected to intensely high heat (such as in forest fires) in order to open and release their seeds.

A lump of black coal, hidden deep within the darkness of the earth, must be exposed to intense pressure in order to produce the most brilliant gemstone known to man: the diamond.

A mother endures excruciating pain while bringing new life into the world.

Nature instinctively understands that change is necessary for growth and sometimes that process involves intense pressure or pain. But without growth, there is stagnation and stagnation cannot support life. For many, change can be frightening: fear of the unknown.

It is critical to understand that life is cyclical. Nothing remains constant: happiness wanes to sadness; peace is disrupted by dissention; success bows to failure; loss concedes to gain. If you look at history (even your own) all things eventually return to where they are meant to be. Daylight turns to darkness, then, at precisely the right moment, back to light again.

We are currently living in one of the most unstable periods of American economic history. People are panicking. Recently, an unemployed Los Angeles father with an advanced degree in finance (distraught over his circumstances) ended his own life after taking those of his three children, wife and mother-in-law. Tragically, he failed to see that his change in circumstance was actually a great opportunity for new growth.

During the forest fire that propagates the Lodgepole Pine, everything in the path of the blaze is destroyed. However, it is only during this process of loss that new life can emerge.

Loss to what is - in order to receive that which is about to come.

During this time of economic “fire” much will be lost. It may be frightening and painful but not necessarily bad. Out of ashes comes new growth. And the advantage of being human is that you decide what your new growth will be: a rebirth of priorities; a new appreciation for what you have; a new career; discovering strengths and talents lying dormant within you?

Have faith. Trust – that you can weather this challenge and emerge victorious, like the Lodgepole Pine, and re grow your “forest”.

We all know that the worst thing one can do in a fire is panic. It can cost you your life.

Relax and be a peace. All is exactly as it should be.

    Copyright, 2008 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com



Newsletter: October 7, 2008
YOUR LIVING LEGACY
by Janet Pfeiffer

Here’s a little exercise I’d like you to try (no, it’s not the Ab Blaster 2000 so relax). It’s a writing exercise called “The Testimonial Dinner”. “Uh, oh”, I hear some of you moaning. But before you close this letter, let me explain.

I’d like you to imagine that it’s your 100th birthday. (Congratulations! You surprised a lot of us.) Everyone you’ve ever met or known has been invited to celebrate this joyous occasion. In lieu of gifts (after all, what could you need at this age other than a possible hip replacement?) your guests have each been asked to write you a testimonial letter. These letters will contain every important memory, thought or feeling the writer has of you.

However, due to the shortage of time only two people will have the opportunity to read their letters aloud: the person who most loves and admires you; and the one who has nothing favorable to say about you. And you, my friend, must pen both letters.

“But how can I possibly know how others feel about me?” you ask. Exactly! Think about it - really think about it. Too often we pay little, if any, attention to what people think (or say) about us. We care even less how they feel – whether they like us or not, whether they admire us or not, whether we’ve been a positive force in their life or a negative one.

I’d like you to begin to think about your legacy now: what will you leave behind once your time on Planet Earth is done? What are the memories others will have of you? Will they feel the loss of no longer having your physical presence in their lives? Or will they secretly experience a sense of relief once you’re gone? Or worse yet, will they even notice??

We may not be paying attention to what we do but I can guarantee you that others are.

What we do now affects everyone who knows us and will also impact generations to come.

I, personally, want others to think back on me with fondness and appreciation. It matters to me that I make a positive difference in the lives of those I meet. I want to leave this world a better place than when I first arrived. But I can only do that if I pay attention now to how I’m living my life and make any necessary adjustments… before it’s too late.

Good luck. I hope your testimonial dinner is blessed with loving memories.

    Copyright, 2008 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com



Newsletter: September 23, 2008
PEOPLE ARE NOT PAPER PLATES
by Janet Pfeiffer

We live in a throw away society. We eat off of paper plates and toss them in the garbage rather than wash china ones. Appliances break and are replaced rather than repaired. Technology becomes outdated and we update with the newest model.

The world is overflowing with mountains of valuable “garbage” that we label worthless simply because it’s imperfect or outdated.

But most shameful of all is the way in which we dispose of relationships.

We are quick to get rid of people. Someone hurts us and we promptly ban them from our lives. Couples commit their eternal love to one another then divorce because they become disenchanted. They leave hoping to find a “better” partner.

Families quarrel and rather than seek resolution, estrange themselves from one another.

Tragically, we have developed zero tolerance for any kind of human imperfection. We negate a person’s value and demote their importance simply because we find fault with who they are or because of something they’ve done. Suddenly, everything good about them becomes irrelevant and insignificant. We refuse to give them credit for their attributes and except them “as is”, flaws and all.

My first husband divorced me. I didn’t agree with his decision and was deeply hurt by his actions. It would have been easy to convince myself that he was worthless excuse of a man and I was better off without him. But he had many wonderful qualities that I loved and admired for 18 years. And they did not vanish simply because he rejected me. He still deserved to be acknowledged for those qualities.

We are quick, and sometimes eager, to negate all of the goodness that an individual has simply because we find fault with them in other areas. Yes, there are times when it is not in our best interest to continue to associate with a particular individual and parting is a wise decision. But we are too eager to trash our relationships rather than repair and maintain them.

One can visit a junkyard and sift through the rubble to locate the many valuable treasures buried among the trash. It is a bit more challenging at times to find the hidden treasures within those who we have so arrogantly (mis)labeled “trash”, but they are there none-the-less.

The world is overflowing with mountains of valuable people that have labeled worthless simply because they, too, are imperfect.

Perhaps it’s time we re-e- value -ate them.

Take caution when choosing to dispose of someone in your life. People are not paper plates.

    Copyright, 2008 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com



Newsletter: September 9, 2008
WHY, WHAT OR HOW?
by Janet Pfeiffer

Are you a why, what or how person? Have you ever given it any thought? I lived most of my life as a why.

About 25 years ago, I developed an eating disorder. My therapist and I spent long hours trying to understand why this happened. “We must uncover the cause in order to affect a cure.”

At the same time, I was working for a priest and shared with him my new “project”. “As soon as we find out why, I’ll be able to let it go and heal.”
“And what if you never uncover the answer?” he asked. “Will you suffer with bulimia for the rest of your life?” I hadn’t thought of that.

“Janet”, he said, “you don’t need to know why. You only need to know that if this behavior is creating a problem for you, do something different. Ask yourself, what and how: what behaviors do I need to change; how can I overcome this?”

People who ask why are looking for reasons or excuses. “Why did this happen?” “Why am I so unhappy?” “Why is she like that?” Why can keep us trapped in the past.

Those who ask how and what are solution oriented. “What can I do to improve this situation?” “How can I create happiness in my life?” “What is the best way for me to deal with this person?” How and what focus on the now.

Too often we get stuck in the whys. I don’t need to know why my husband doesn’t like to communicate. I only need to know how to speak with him in a way that works for both of us. (I’m happy to report that I finally figured this one out.)

Why does have merit. “Why did I get sick?” can give me insights into the manifestation of this disease and provide me with the understanding of how to prevent a reoccurrence. But even without answers, if I ask “how can I heal myself, what kind of a lifestyle lends itself to a maintaining a healthy body, mind and spirit”, then my focus and energy will be on creating optimum health. And isn’t seeking solutions for improvement the objective?

The next time you question why, ask yourself “does it really matter?”

Then seek answers in how and what. You will experience an overall improvement in the situation and have less stress and more joy in every aspect of your life.

    Copyright, 2008 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com



Newsletter: August 26, 2008
DENIAL
by Janet Pfeiffer

“Denial is not a river in Egypt. It is a black abyss of fear that imprisons us in false truths and obstructs our chances of achieving personal greatness.”
– Janet Pfeiffer, United Nations, Oct. 4, 2005

I had a client who was embroiled in constant family drama. She repeatedly complained that certain people were causing problems and destroying the family (she was not among them). As hard she tried to keep the peace, her family unit deteriorated. What she failed to recognize was that her “innocent” gossip was pitting one family member against the other.

Several months ago, I send out an e-blast announcing my new website, www.FromGodWithLove.net. I immediately received an angry e-mail from one of my subscribers stating that she was highly offended by the “accusation” I made that “we all hurt one another at some point”. “I have NEVER hurt ANYONE in my life!” she adamantly declared. I responded that we all do, oftentimes unintentionally, but that it happens nonetheless. It is just a part of human nature. No judgment, just observation.

Most of us live in some stage of denial and don’t, or won’t, acknowledge unfavorable truths about ourselves. We refuse to see how we hurt others or contribute to the problems around us.

Denial of truth prohibits one from identifying their own weaknesses. Upon recognition of an imperfection, one can work on improving it and advancing their position in their journey towards achieving personal greatness.

There is no shame in admitting one’s flaws. Truth needn’t be a source of embarrassment or fear nor lower one’s self-esteem. It is, in fact, an indication of great inner strength as well as one’s commitment to excellence.

If I fail to acknowledge that I sometimes offend others, I cannot affect positive change and will continue to cause suffering. Flaws do not correct themselves.

One must be willing to accept the truth about how they think, speak and behave – however painful – in order to free themselves from self-destructive patterns.

If you are focusing on the faults of others, take a moment and go within to search for any weakness that needs strengthening. Face the truth: the gut-wrenching, in-your-face, can’t-be-denied-any-longer reality. Then commit to change. As denial concedes to awareness, you will experience a freedom to live in full potential of who you were created to be.

Do this before you forward this newsletter to your family and friends.
Remember, it’s always about the self.

    Copyright, 2008 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com



Newsletter: August 12, 2008
TELL IT LIKE IT IS
by Janet Pfeiffer

Many people believe that being completely honest is an admirable quality. “I’m going to tell you the truth even if it hurts.”

They proceed to blurt out whatever’s on their mind even at the risk of offending the other party. After all, they’re just being truthful and honesty is the best policy, isn’t it?

Well, yes and no. While I do believe in the necessity and value in speaking the truth, I also believe that how we present the truth is vitally important. There are basically two types of honesty: polite and brutal.

Polite honesty speaks of truth while taking into consideration how the other party might feel or react when hearing their words. It is straightforward, shows concern for the other’s emotional well being, and takes into account a margin for error (after all, much of what we refer to as “truth” is actually perception or opinion). One who is polite carefully formulates each sentence, weighing all possible options and deciding on those that are least offensive.

Brutal honesty, on the other hand, cares little (if any) about the other party’s feelings. “If they can’t deal with the truth, that’s not my problem.” There is usually very little sensitivity when choosing their words. The individual is more concerned about their own need to vent than whether the other party may be hurt or offended by what is being said.

Granted, no one is responsible for how another interprets or reacts to what they hear. Each person makes that decision themselves. However, we are morally obligated to speak respectfully to every person in every situation. It is never acceptable to verbally disrespect, abuse, attack, degrade, embarrass or humiliate another.

I can say to you, “You are a selfish, self-centered person who doesn’t care about anyone but yourself”. Or I can rephrase it with, “Sometimes you seem more concerned with yourself than others. It can come across as thoughtless and offensive”. Which form of honesty would you rather hear?

As children we were taught to think before we speak.

As adults, let us now think (about what we want to say), imagine (how it could sound to the listener), and empathize (feel how our words may affect them) before we speak.

T>I>E>S: Think>Imagine>Empathize>Speak

Brutal remarks offend and alienate while polite comments are caring and earn the respect of others. For me, polite is always the wiser choice.

    Copyright, 2008 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com



Newsletter: July 29, 2008
WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE?
by Janet Pfeiffer

We hear so much about tolerance nowadays. We live in a diverse world where we’re told we must learn to tolerate one another’s differences: people of different color, religious beliefs, ethnic backgrounds, etc.

I am one who does not believe that we should have to tolerate anything we don’t like. Because when we tolerate, we’re angry. I don’t like my new neighbors: they barely speak English and don’t understand how things are done in this country. But there’s not a darn thing I can do about it so I’ll just have to put up with them.

Hear the anger?

Some may become “enlightened” and move beyond tolerance to acceptance. However, with acceptance comes sadness.

I’d prefer to live next door to Americans instead of foreigners but I guess I can overlook some stuff. As long as they don’t cause any problems it should be ok.

I’m not happy about the situation but I’ll do the best I can under the circumstances.

But aren’t both attitudes disheartening? Why should any of us have to live with anger or sadness?

Well, because we have to. We have no choice.

Actually, we do have a choice. What if we could move to a place of appreciation? What if I could truly appreciate the fact that my neighbors and I are different? Choosing to views their individuality as a blessing instead of a negative allows me to focus on the benefits of having neighbors who can enrich my life and broaden my horizons.

Look at what they have to offer that someone of a similar background doesn’t?

When I first began working at the battered woman’s shelter nine years ago, I had never encountered women of dark colored skin nor those who had lived in gang-infested neighborhoods where violence was a way of life. Their habits, lifestyles, beliefs and attitudes were unlike anything I’d ever experienced. Initially, I felt terribly uncomfortable in their presence but the more I opened myself up to them, the more I learned – about them and about myself. I developed a deep appreciation for who they are and for what they’ve taught me. We differ greatly in our beliefs and lifestyles but have developed a profound respect for one another’s differences.

When you decide to view diversity as a blessing, then there is no tolerance or anger, no sadness or unhappiness. There is only joy and appreciation at discovering the unique gifts we can offer one another.

    Copyright, 2008 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com



Newsletter: July 15, 2008
REFRAIN FROM BLAME
by Janet Pfeiffer

When something goes wrong in your life, who do you blame?

“I’m in so much debt because the economy is bad and everything is so expensive. It’s not my fault”

“My mother always criticized me when I was a child. That’s why I suffer from low self esteem and make so many bad choices.”

Sadly, many people hold others accountable for what isn’t working in their life.

Things are a mess and rather than take ownership they blame others. What they don’t realize is that blame robs them of personal power.

Just take a look at the word itself: BLAME. Can you see the two other words hidden within? Lame and Me. “How lame of me to blame.” The definition of lame is “weak”. Blame is a sign of weakness.

Responsibility is power. When one takes full accountability for their life - the situations they’re in, the way they feel, the choices they make - then no one has power over them.

Life happens…to all of us. I may not be able to control what occurs around me but I certainly decide how I am going to handle it and how I will allow it to affect me.

You can choose to spend less money, look for a higher paying job, scale back on your expenses, pay off your bills and become debt free…or not.

Your mother’s hurtful remarks about you do not constitute truth. You can remind yourself that God created you as a beautiful and valuable person. His Word is Truth. Then begin making more intelligent decisions about your life. Or, remain stuck in the past and continue to hold your mother accountable for your suffering.

Do not relinquish you life, happiness and success to another. Take ownership for everything you do, have and are. No one is responsible for your life except you. Vow to become the kind of person you can admire and create the life you desire. Be the master of your own destiny. Blame no one.

Take a look at what’s not working in your life right now. What did you do (or fail to do) that contributed to your current circumstances? What changes would you like to see happen? What can you do now to make that occur?

Blame serves no constructive purpose. It places us in the role of victim and renders us powerless. Feelings of powerlessness lead to anger, resentment, bitterness and self pity. And that, my friend, is the shortest road to misery.

Refrain from Blame. Live a powerful life of unlimited abundance.

Please share this message with all who would benefit.

    Copyright, 2008 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com



Newsletter: July 1, 2008
WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?
by Janet Pfeiffer

When I married my husband I had hoped that we would share romantic moments together. I knew, however, that there was not a romantic bone in his body. He got really excited once when he bought me a hammer from Home Depot. Get the picture? But I kept trying…maybe one day he’ll be what I want him to be.

What do you expect from the people in your life? Do you expect your children to attend college because you value higher education? Do you anticipate others will show appreciation for what you do for them?

That would be wonderful if it happened. The problem occurs when our expectations of others, ourselves or the world in general are not in alignment with reality. Not everyone shares the same beliefs as me. Not everyone places the same importance on those things that I value. The more I insist on imposing my expectations on others the greater the risk that I will be disappointed.

Unmet expectations are a leading cause of anger.

It is not reasonable to expect that every individual will agree with me, comply with my demands or be what I want them to be. Not everyone will appreciate my thoughtfulness. My children may choose careers that don’t require attending college.

It is certainly acceptable for me to make a request seeking what I want. However, if it is not forthcoming then it is imperative for me to accept (without resentment) that this is the way it is.

Accepting that which I cannot change is one of the keys to inner peace.

People are who they are. They will do what they do. No one in this world is here to live up to my expectations, not even my husband. I was asking him to be something he wasn’t. Once I began to truly appreciate how unique and different he is from me and accept him “as is”, my anger subsided. A simple shift in expectations alleviated a lot of frustration and allowed for more ease and happiness in our relationship.

Be careful, too, of the expectations you place on yourself. If you are a perfectionist perhaps you need to reexamine your demands. Perfection is unattainable. Strive for excellence instead. It is much more realistic and reduces unnecessary angst.

If you want less anger in your life, make sure that what you are seeking is fair, reasonable and realistic. Put forth your best effort. Then accept what is and be at peace with the outcome.

    Copyright, 2008 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com



Newsletter: June 15, 2008
SPIRITUAL HEALING
by Janet Pfeiffer

We have all been hurt by the things others have said or done (notice I didn’t include “to me/us” at the end of that sentence).* Very often, we say or do things that are inconsiderate or hurtful to the other party. Sometimes, we commit an offense by failing to do what we need to. Whether intentional or not, our actions, or lack of, can cause considerable suffering to another.

How often are you willing to forgive the imperfections of others? Do you choose to let go of past offenses or do you hold on to your anger? Are you understanding of their weaknesses or do you hold them hostage to their bad behavior? Have you ever sought revenge or chosen to “get even” for what they’ve said or done?

Many don’t realize that forgiveness is a choice. It is a conscious decision to be understanding of another’s imperfections. Each of us has inflicted pain on another: we lash out in anger or fail to be patient when necessary; we take advantage of another’s generous spirit rather than show them appreciation; we are disrespectful or argumentative instead of honoring each individual and their opinions.

Forgiveness does not release one from being held accountable for an offense. Rather, it recognizes that each of us behaves poorly at times because we are all imperfect. Forgiveness is a choice I make for my own well-being. It is not contingent upon whether or not the other admits to any wrongdoing or if they even apologize. To hold on to anger long after the offense has been committed only hurts me. It holds me hostage to the past and inhibits me from fully enjoying the present.

Twenty years ago I fell and broke my elbow. I remember the circumstances of the fall and the intense pain I experienced. The bone gradually healed and I regained full use of my arm. There is not more pain. Forgiveness is the spiritual equivalent to healing a physical injury: I remember the event but I no longer feel the anger, bitterness or resentment. All negative emotions have healed. I am free to experience the joy and wonder of living in the moment.

While it is not wise to “forgive and forget” (to forget carries the risk of the offense repeating itself), forgiveness is the ultimate act of self-love. Forgiveness is the path to inner peace and when you have inner peace you have it all.

*Refer to the March 25 newsletter, ONE LITTLE WORD.

    Copyright, 2008 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com



Newsletter: June 3, 2008
A REAL “JEWEL”
by Janet Pfeiffer

Several years ago, a young singer emerged on the pop scene known only by the name of “Jewel”. Her first recording became a hit and while I don’t remember the title, one line has been forever etched on my brain. “In the end, only kindness matters.” Jewel repeats it several times as if to emphasize its importance.

Is kindness the focus of everything you say and do? Too often, people are so self-absorbed that they fail to consider the feelings and needs of others. Someone criticizes another while completely disregarding how they might feel hearing their words. “Oh, well. It’s not my problem.”

Several years ago, I was hired to run anger management groups at a battered woman’s shelter. One woman’s behavior was extremely disrespectful. After tolerating her rudeness for several weeks, I decided to confront her. During the upcoming week, I rehearsed my speech to ensure she knew exactly how offended I was and what I expected of her.

At the next meeting I approached her. But as my mouth opened I felt a strong pull on my heartstrings. Suddenly, I was more concerned about her feelings than demanding respect. My voice softened as I inquired if she’d like to have lunch with me that week. Her face brightened as she responded with an enthusiastic “Yes!”

At the precise moment that I put her feelings above my own and made kindness the motive for what I was about to say, my attitude and approach changed and she responded favorably.

Kindness has the capacity to change one’s heart. Repeated acts of kindness build trust and trust is the foundation for every healthy relationship. She and I developed a genuine respect for one another and kept in touch long after she moved from the shelter.

It’s easy to be kind to those you like or to those who treat you well but there is no growth in that. To extend that same privilege to those you dislike, are angry with, and especially to those who have mistreated you is far more honorable because it means having the courage to rise above arrogance, ego and fear.

Anything you do can be done in kindness and even the smallest acts can have a profound impact.

In the end, it is not the size of your house or the price tag on your car that matters. It is of no importance what degrees follow your name or the exotic places you’ve traveled.

In the end, all that really matters will be the amount of kindness you’ve extended to those you’ve encountered.

    Copyright, 2008 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com



Newsletter: May 20, 2008
SEEKERS OF TRUTH
by Janet Pfeiffer

"Those who seek the truth ask questions.  Those who fear the truth form assumptions." - Janet Pfeiffer

Have you ever been unfairly judged by someone, blamed for something you were not responsible for or had a negative opinion formed abut you that was completely without merit?   And worse, no one respected or cared enough about you to speak with you about it beforehand?  Or, perhaps you are the one who treats others that way?

Most of us have probably have had a similar experience at some point.  I know I have.  There have been people who have made unfounded assumptions about me that were highly defamatory and inaccurate.  I've had accusations made against me that were completely false and have caused serious hardships for myself and those around me.  Not once did anyone ask questions that would have brought the facts and truth to light. 

Why do some behave this way?  Too often, people want to believe the worst about a particular individual.  It may be someone they do not care for or are jealous of.  Perhaps, there are some unresolved issues of anger or hurt that linger between them and interfere with their fair and rational thinking.  Other times, people need a scapegoat for their own personal issues that they may be refusing to address.

If I see a married friend having lunch with someone other than their spouse, do I automatically assume that they are having an affair?  I might, if I have an issue with that party.  I may choose to believe the worst because it supports my already poor opinion of them.  However, if I really want to know the truth, I would ask questions.  Truth seekers investigate all of the facts in order to make an informed decision.  They do not allow personal feelings and issues to interfere with what is fair and right.

What would have happened if those who judged me asked to hear what I had to say?  Once I presented them with accurate facts and cleared up any misunderstandings, how would that have changed their opinion of me and the situation?  Knowing the truth would challenge them to face other truths as well -perhaps truths about themselves or others.  That can be an uncomfortable and frightening place for some.  Blame can hide a multitude but sadly confines the deceived to living with "untruths".

Before you form an opinion or judgment about someone, gather all of the facts.  Ask questions, seek out all possible explanations, uncover the TRUTH.  To do any less is a grave injustice to all parties and can have long-term and far-reaching repercussions for all.

    Copyright, 2008 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com



Newsletter: May 8, 2008
NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU ANGRY
by Janet Pfeiffer

Have you ever held someone else accountable for how you feel? How many times have you said something like, “You make me so mad!” or, “You really hurt my feelings?” We give others far too much power over our emotional well-being and happiness. We blame others for how we feel rather that take responsibility for it ourselves. Most people don’t realize that we choose our emotions.

That’s right: each of us has the ability to decide for ourselves exactly how we want to feel.

My feelings are not dependant upon what another person is saying or doing. All feelings come from within. Outside events (my best friend forgets my birthday, my boss yells at me) are mere triggers. And what they trigger are thoughts. I see or hear something and I form a thought about it. All feelings come from thoughts.

My best friend actually did forget my birthday this year. I had several choices here. I could think, “How rude of her! After 25 years of friendship that’s inexcusable.” Choosing these thoughts, I’d probably feel hurt, angry, disappointed, maybe even a bit resentful. If, on the other hand, I choose to think, “Well, it’s not a big deal. Everyone forgets sometimes. Besides, maybe her calendar broke.” Those thoughts are more likely to foster feelings of understanding, peace, and still being ok with her.

The truth of why I didn’t receive acknowledgement is of no real importance when it comes to my feelings. What dictates how this situation affects me is solely about my perception (thought). I decide what I want to believe about her. If I want to be at peace with what has transpired, I need to choose thoughts that will generate those kinds of feelings. Even in the event that she deliberately ignored my birthday, I still decide how I view her and her behavior. I can be harsh and judgmental or understanding and forgiving. Each will evoke corresponding feelings. Either way, she is not making me feel angry. Anger, as with all other emotions, is my choice. No one can make me angry.

Try this: the next time someone yells at you, rather than think “what a mean and nasty so-and-so!” switch your thoughts to “he sounds really upset about something” and see what happens to your feelings. A shift in thought generates a shift in feelings.

Positive thoughts = positive feelings. Negative thoughts = negative feelings. It’s all up to you. And it’s that easy, really.

    Copyright, 2008 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com



Newsletter: April 22, 2008
THE LOOKING GLASS
by Janet Pfeiffer

I have a love/hate relationship with my mirror. It’s important to me to look my best and the only way I can know what I really look like is by taking a gander at myself head-to-toe in front of a full-length looking glass. Most of the time, I’m reasonably ok with my reflection. Other times I wish I hadn’t looked. But since I don’t have the ability to see the complete truth about my physical self, I do need to enlist the aid of the mirror to reflect back to me what I cannot see on my own - good, bad or ugly.

People act like mirrors as well. How often does someone point out something to you about your personality or behavior? It may be something positive (“You have a wonderful sense of humor.”) or something negative (“Sometimes you can be awfully rude.”). The first comment will usually evoke pleasant emotions; the second – not so much. Very often, a negative observation from another will trigger a defensive response. “Me?? I’m not rude! Look at you! What you just said was really hurtful!”

People reflect back to us what they see. We may or may not be aware of our behaviors or a particular aspect of our personalities. And we may not even agree with them.

Rather than listen objectively to their perception or opinion of us, we immediately become offended and feel the need to argue their point. But if I want to be my best (not simply look my best) don’t I need a “human mirror” to reflect back to me what I may not see? That’s not easy to listen to. Most of us really only want to know the good stuff. We live in denial of the truth because with truth comes responsibility. Once aware of the truth, I now must decide what to do with it. Do I remain rude or do I work on becoming polite? Change takes effort, denial condones laziness.

I don’t get angry and yell at my mirror if I don’t like what I see. In fact, I’m grateful that I’ve been given the opportunity to “fix” things before anyone sees me.

“Being” is far more important than “looking”. Welcome negative comments. They are the keys that free you from living untruths. They afford you the opportunity to reach a greater level of self-awareness and personal growth. Without growth life cannot exist.

So next time, instead of getting angry, silently thank your “mirror” for providing you a wonderful opportunity to discover a hidden truth and move closer to achieving personal excellence.

    Copyright, 2008 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com



Newsletter: April 8, 2008
I’M RIGHT, YOU’RE WRONG
by Janet Pfeiffer

One of the biggest mistakes we make when we get into a discussion with another party occurs when we find that we have opposing views. We begin debating an issue only to find that we each see things very differently. I may believe that a vegetarian diet is a healthier way of eating. You are a traditional meat and potatoes connoisseur. As the conversation progresses, so does the tension.

I am convinced that my way is right and therefore (since there can only be one “right”) yours is wrong. You take the same stance with your position. I present you with documented “proof” that validates my beliefs. You counter with research that outweighs mine. I desperately try to enlighten you to the fact that your so-called “statistics” come from sources not nearly as current or respected in the field as mine. You fire back stating that vegetarianism hasn’t been practiced long enough for any conclusive proof of its health benefits.

Knowing that you are right, you continue your quest to prove that I am wrong in my beliefs. That puts me on the defensive (since most people are not comfortable with being proven wrong). I hold fast to my position, determined more than ever, not to be humiliated by appearing ignorant and misinformed.

Sound familiar?

This is a no-win situation. Instead of both parties agreeing to share their personal views of a particular subject in an arena of mutual respect for one another, insecurity takes the rein and it becomes a battle of ego. Each party, wanting to maintain their dignity, argues their point till exhaustion, refusing to ever relinquish to the other. Tempers flare and what began as an opportunity to learn quickly escalates to an ugly assault upon one another.

Why do we feel that because there are differences of opinion one must automatically be right and therefore the other wrong? Why can we each not see the validity in the other party’s position and agree to respect that?

There are very few true issues of right and wrong. Most are simply a matter of opinion and preference. A confident and sensitive person is comfortable allowing each individual to maintain there own personal beliefs and practices while simultaneously holding firm to theirs. Avoid using the terms “right” and “wrong” when having a debate. Be gracious and allow all parties to maintain their beliefs and dignity. In the long run, you will earn their respect and that far outweighs being “right”.

    Copyright, 2008 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com



Newsletter: March 25, 2008
ONE LITTLE WORD
by Janet Pfeiffer

Have you ever felt that life was treating you unfairly, that bad things were always happening to you?

Do you sometimes feel sorry for yourself because those around you seem to have so much more than you?

Self-pity (or “PMS” – “poor me syndrome” as I call it) is a toxic disease that destroys lives. I have a friend who suffers from PMS. He views himself as a victim and feels angry most of the time. Everyone does things to him, the world is out to get him and there’s nothing he can do about it.

The definition of victim is one who is powerless. Granted, I cannot stop things from happening. But I can choose how I handle every situation and more importantly how I allow the situation to affect me.

The difference between one who views themself as a victim and one who understands personal power is a simple little word: “to”. That’s it. Victims typically say things like “Why is this happening to me?” (self-pitying – they feel personally targeted) while one with personal power queries, “Why is this happening for me?” (seeks the lessons and benefits in the experience – it is viewed as an opportunity for growth).

By changing that simple word, (to – for) one changes their role in the situation from victim to student.

The Dahli Lama says that there are no victims in life, only students.

We are all here to learn. Whatever happens, good or bad, we can grow from it. Every experience has value.

Bad things happen in everyone’s life. “Power People” take advantage of every situation, especially the really difficult ones, which contain the most profound lessons. Optimistic and positive, they look for the lessons while “PMS”ers” wallow in self-pity.

I am a survivor of divorce, an eating disorder, blackmail, domestic violence, betrayal, family estrangement and lots more. I do not for one moment feel sorry for myself. I am, in fact, deeply grateful for every one of those experiences. Each one has given me the opportunity to learn and grow and to become a better person than ever before. Each one has added value to and enriched my life in ways that I cannot yet fully measure.

I consider myself a student of life and am truly grateful for all of the unfairness and hardships life’s offered me. As Joel Osteen says, “I am a Victor, not a victim.”

And to think, all I had to do was change one little word. How simple.

    Copyright, 2008 www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com



Newsletter: March 11, 2008
RESOLVE DISPUTES QUICKLY
by Janet Pfeiffer

Have you ever tried to resolve a dispute with someone and ended up totally frustrated because nothing was solved? Most of us have at some point. Something doesn’t go according to our plans. We attempt to speak with the other party about our disappointment or expectations but often end up even more distressed, feeling as though there is no way to correct things. A relatively simple issue becomes a monumental task as emotions run high. Nothing is resolved and both parties end up feeling hopeless and angry.

Here are some quick points to remember that will enable you to achieve greater success when engaging in dispute resolution:

1. State what you believe the problem to be. Ex: “For the third month in a row, the mortgage payment was late” (statement of fact).
2. Ask the other party if they are in agreement with that. If not, ask them to state what they believe the issue is.
3. Stick to facts only (as stated above). Avoid judgments and opinions. /Ex: “You never pay the bills on time. You don’t take this seriously!”
4. Spend no more than five minutes identifying what the issue is that needs to be resolved.
5. Immediately shift your focus to the solution. Ex: “How can we avoid having this happen again? Would it be more helpful if I reminded you? Perhaps, I could take over that responsibility or maybe we could set up an automatic deduction from our checking account each month?” Allow both sides to contribute, finding the best possible solution for all concerned. Understand, too, that there is always more than one solution to any given problem.